Full of Gratitude: My Birthday Heart


birthdaybook

It’s been one of those weeks that is so full you hardly know what to say about it and yet something must be said before the march of days swallows it all.  It’s been a week of thoughtfulness in many directions, of joy and mercy and abundance of the best kind.  Forgive me if the sifting results in a lengthy post!

I received an unexpected visit from a dear friend on Monday night.  She came bearing a yummy treat and a beautifully wrapped gift which she insisted I open in spite of my birthday being the following day.  I was completely stunned to open the gift and find inside it the book you see pictured above filled with letters to me from friends and family near and far.  She, with lots of help from my husband, had secretly worked for weeks with the goal of collecting forty letters from forty friends to mark my 40th birthday.  They got more than seventy.

I sat up late into the night reading letter after letter, more humbled with each one by the generosity of my friends and family.  The kindness of their words lifted my heart in a way nothing else could.  It is true that our Heavenly Father knows our needs far better than we do, and when he meets an unknown need so completely through the work of someone we know the gift is overwhelmingly sweet.  Such was the impact of these letters.    Some of them came from people I lost touch with years ago, and many came from friends I dearly love but whose friendships I’ve neglected in the past few years while trying to find my stride as a mother of eight children.  Some came from people whose friendships are newer and carried a warmth I had not thought yet formed.  Some made me laugh out loud and many sent silent tears down my cheeks.  There was a note from one brother that touched me deeply and countless compliments from people I admire so greatly that I felt I should be the one writing such things about them .  Throughout all of them came the whisper “you are loved, you are accepted, you are good.”  Perhaps the whisper was the best part of all, the golden thread that wove through every word and wrapped it all up with a big bow and left me with the distinct feeling that I’d been given back my friends.  Not that they weren’t there before, but that I’d assumed I was disqualified for a dozen reasons.  It felt like Heavenly Father put it in my lap and said, “I know it’s been long and hard, but here you go.  It’s time to run with this again.”  Which is exactly what I hope to do.

I was surprised by themes that emerged in the letters, by how many times certain qualities were mentioned.  Surprised that I was worth the pause in their too-busy lives to contribute to the project.  Surprised.  Grateful.  Healed.

When at last I put the book down, having read every word, I was also filled.  Filled with determination to arise and be the person they seem to think I am capable of being.  Filled with longing to aim higher and farther.  Filled with wonder at the mercy and generosity of these people I know, who had obviously sifted through much and chose to focus on the best in me.  I want to be like them.  I thought again of my friend Kathy who passed away this summer, of her happiness on her special day last year.  I remembered the smile on her face and realized I was tasting what she felt that windy afternoon.   I am filled with a desire to be more, to do more, to give more, to find whatever energy and strength of will it takes to follow every impulse to do good, to lift, to contribute, to build.  I don’t ever want to miss an opportunity to be a part of strengthening someone as I was strengthened this week.

All the other trappings and trimmings were icing on the cake:  a special birthday breakfast, phone calls, pretty packages, cake, dinner with my husband, balloons, an evening rainstorm.  Then Thursday night I was off for a couple of days for a girls weekend with most of the women in my family and it was awesome in every way.  I’ve learned so much this week, about myself and others, about goodness and kindness, life and dreams.   And we are happy when we are learning, so I feel rich in joy.

So my heart sings out “thank you” in a thousand directions while tonight I sit in a pile with my children who I’ve missed as much as I enjoyed the break.  I look around me at the smiles on faces so very dear and marvel once more that although I am certainly one of the least of God’s daughters, still He chooses to work in my life.  THAT is the gift of a lifetime.

Jennifer

Home


lavender

We took a little trip to the mountains and came home to lavender ready to be cut.  Last night I sat for a few minutes and watched a dozen or more honeybees working their way through the flowers and felt so very grateful for this simple thing.

What a lucky girl I am.

This summer seems to be marching along with a beat I’m unprepared for, and perhaps I feel that way because I’m marching my way to my 40th birthday next month.  As in, the “next month” that begins in five days.  And the marching is not the feeling of a parade, but rather something much less fun.  To say I’m dreading it is an understatement.

Ten days ago I looked at my calendar and realized I had just 30 days left in my 30’s, so I made a quick list of 30 things to do before the dreaded day.  I’m running a little behind my schedule of one/day, but I’m working on it and am excited to share a few of them here.  Most of them consist of things I’ve been meaning to do but haven’t or things I enjoy but rarely do.

Meanwhile, it’s good to be home.  Home where the lavender and the honeysuckle grow alongside the garden now full of weeds.  Home where there’s work to be done and dreams to be dreamt.   And a lawn to lay on at night while I watch the stars.  I’ve done some of that this week, cause it’s on my list.

Home.

15 Days of Happiness :: Live in the Moment


Sgiggling

Someone once said “We do not remember days; we remember moments.”  I agree with this.  Each day is filled with so many moments we really don’t remember them all, but I also find that when I live in the moment I am able to grab more of them, and sometimes much of a day is recorded in my heart by consciously memorizing moments.

I’m doing this little happiness challenge because I know I’m in some of the hardest weeks of my year.  It was late last night when my youngest daughter, who is a terrible sleeper, finally gave up:

Nasleep

Today I admit I feel a lot like she looks.  I haven’t had enough sleep in weeks, and this morning as I held a grouchy toddler on my lap I almost fell asleep doing it!  And yet, there is nothing I can do to slow down just yet.  The sprint must continue.

In a few minutes I will leave to pick up 7 children from school early, drive two of them home as a favor to a friend, then take the others back to the school (feeding them lunch in the car) for some end-of-year testing.  From there we will pick up my older students and begin the weekly shuttling that piano lessons require.  Sandwiched in there we have math homework to complete, an after school obligation, and a soccer game to get ready for.  I don’t yet know how I’m going to get the soccer player to her game on time and the kids home from piano.  I don’t know how the house will get clean for tonight’s party or what my family will eat for dinner  while I host another party.  I know it will all work out; I just don’t know how to make some of it work yet, and that’s a stress.  As I’ve had these thoughts racing through my mind all morning, I realized that I am making my day harder by worrying about it all at once.  It’s not even noon and I’m worried about 5 pm and 7 pm and so forth.

So I took a deep breath and remembered that I can lighten my load if I deal with the day sequentially.  I’ll tackle what’s in front of me right now, and soon I will have navigated the day successfully.  I can also remind myself that I knew this day would be nuts, which is why I got everything ready for the party in advance.  Relief!

My #1 priority for the next 10 hours is to live in the moment.  There is so much to enjoy if I’m not racing ahead of myself mentally.  The top picture of my daughter giggling on my bed came in a stressful moment and I’m so glad now that I paused to enjoy her for 30 seconds.

Elastgame

I paused at the soccer field on Saturday to marvel at the beauty of the location, the beauty of the mountains, the green grass, the clouds and sky.  I turned in a circle and took in every angle, wishing my husband was there with me to enjoy it.  I memoried it, and have re-lived it in my mind many times since.  The moment is frozen in my heart as a happy one simply because I paused.

Mtodolist

Yesterday was a rush as well.  How glad I am today that I paused for a moment to read and photograph this to-do list, created by my daughter before she left for school.  The chalkboard is now covered with something else and that sweet list is gone.  I’m so glad I read it and shared it, because the Smiths, who were driving for 8 hours to get to our house, enjoyed it too.

I’m setting my timer for 15 minutes to clean as fast as I can.  Then we’re off for several hours.  Before I go to bed tonight I will write in my journal at least 5 moments I was present for, 5 moments I memorized because I wasn’t rushing ahead.

I hope you’ll join me!

Jennifer *This post is part of a short series on happiness.  You can find a complete list of all posts in the series here .  For the previous post, click here .  Find the next post here .

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