I’m already sleepy so this post will be short.
We’re a week into July and I’m feeling panicky about all the things I haven’t done yet, wondering how in the world to accomplish anything this summer.
My grandma passed away on Thursday. It’s been a sad week. I find myself returning to her in my thoughts over and over again only to dismiss them again before I linger too long there. I’m afraid to cry; I’m tired and stressed and stretched thin enough that I might not stop.
My husband is making progress and we’re moving toward a new “normal” rhythm in our routines. Because he can’t drive there is a lot that has fallen to me and I find myself in the car much more than I’d like. He had four doctor’s appointments, totaling over ten hours in doctor’s offices. No big deal, but I just didn’t realize how long these therapy appointments take or how much they would throw off the daily routine around here. We finally had a couple of nights when he’s slept well, offering me a couple of nights when I slept well too. Thank goodness!
We went through 100 pounds of ice this week in his ice machine. Lots of swelling going on in there. He’s really being pretty awesome, complaining very little and trying to help where he can.
I find myself behind on nearly everything. Several of the children had bad days this week, evidence that things have felt off balance to them as well. I’m doing lots of holding for little bodies and lots of negotiating with the bigger ones. The laundry needs attention. The gardens need attention. My closet and pantry need to be reckoned with. No meal plan for next week has magically appeared on my refrigerator. My reading schedule with the younger children has been thrown off and I need to reinstate it.
Tonight I find myself gauging how much I should cross off my summer list because I’m obviously going to spend most of my time taking care of immediate needs. Part of me is trying to convince myself that it’s ok, while another part of me is screaming in opposition, telling myself that if I would just work harder I could do both. I’m afraid to start another school year before I get organized.
But life is good. Today the children were nicer to each other. Friday night I spent time with a dear friend who moved away and it was simply wonderful. We chatted outside in the gathering darkness with some neighbors which went a long way toward making me feel better. I’m doing some reading during all those doctor’s appointments. My oldest daughter leaves for girl’s camp in the morning and I don’t know how I’m going to let her go. She’s been so amazing in the past couple of weeks. We have company coming to town and my guest room is a disaster. I’ve got work to do, but it’s a good kind of work. It’s evidence that my life is full of people, which is a blessing.
I’d better sleep while I can and get to work on that evidence first thing in the morning!
Have a great week!