Still

I thought I’d share a pretty view in my living room.  I’m loving the freedom to cut fresh peonies from my yard whenever I’m in the mood.

This shot implies a sense of stillness and beauty, something we really don’t have going on here.  It belies the craziness we’re living.  But that stillness is what I’m craving.  I wish I had time to sit there for a while and listen to the wonderfully cool breeze as it blows through a nearby window.  I remind myself that I DID get a moment of stillness, for I paused to take a picture of  it.

In a little while my six year old has a kindergarten field trip to go on.  I’m planning to join him with my two little girls, as it is to a local animal farm of sorts.  They’ll all love it, and I’ve always gone in the past, but I’m having a bit of an inner battle over it this year.

That migraine I had was actually a double-whammy.  It was a migraine plus an abscessed tooth, requiring an emergency root canal on Monday and resulting in a very sore jaw and a much needed prescription for antibiotics.  I’m happy to be on this end of the pain, but wish I was feeling a little more jaunty than I am.

I’m soooo behind.  The laundry is piling up everywhere.  I’m not sure what we’re eating for dinner tonight.  My ongoing stomach ache is due to one of four sources:  the antibiotic, the pain medication, not being able to eat much for several days, or stress over all the projects that need to be completed by my students in the next two days.  And those next two days also hold things like soccer tryouts, team dinners and piano recitals, to name a few.  It’s so tough when the homework time doesn’t hit until 8 or 9 p.m.  Probably it’s all four that are making me sick.

I’m not complaining.  This is life, and I know I’m privileged to live it.   It’s just that sometimes life isn’t what we plan for.  Strange how that works, isn’t it?

So my inner debate all morning has been whether I throw the towel in for another day and head on the field trip, or skip the field trip and try to recover some part of the house, some part of the life I’m supposed to be maintaining.  I look around and think I can’t possibly afford another day of neglect, and then I look at my kids and think I can’t possibly miss this.  Next year he’ll be in first grade!  It will be my first year with only two children home all day.  I look at those girls and want to cry…. how can I possibly be headed out of this stage so soon?  Yes, I’ve enjoyed it much longer than many moms, but still, how does it happen so quickly?

The debate is settled.  We’re going on the field trip.  The messes will still be here when I get home and I’ll deal with them then.

Better go get ready!

HH