There is a gentle breeze blowing. Just when I thought the sunflowers were as tall as they could get I wake up and they’re taller. The children are happily playing on my front porch and driveway with their Playmobil toys. I love those toys. They’re so great for inspiring imagination and allowing children to practice negotiating relationships in their play.
Today was busy. Too busy. We’ve had something going on since 9 a.m. without a break.
I took six children to two different schools to meet their teachers and, in the case of the oldest two, to walk their schedules and open lockers for the first time this year. It’s always nice to go but it stamps out all my wishing that summer could last a little longer. When you’re at back to school night, it’s really over. Denial no longer works.
I haven’t shopped for school supplies yet. I have no excuse except that I couldn’t bear to do it. I’ve walked past that section in multiple stores and just couldn’t bring myself to stop and start the project. Why? I’m not sure. Partly because it always makes me sick to see the grand total for all these lists of required supplies, partly because there’s always some “essential” thing that we can’t find, mostly because I want summer to last another two months. Now my back’s against the wall and I’ve got to get it done.
I think they will all be ok. My 9th grader didn’t even want to walk around with me. He just wanted to meet up with friends and didn’t seem the least bit worried about where his classes are. My 7th grader came home stressed. She won’t admit it but I can see it in her face. I’m sure she will be fine. The three elementary aged students in our house will all do well, I think. For them it’s just a new kind of normal and they’ll adjust quickly. I feel good about their teachers. My five year old kindergartener is a wild card but at least I have a great relationship with his teacher. We’ll wait and see.
My husband offered to do the driving to tonight’s soccer tournament game. So here I am, home on a beautiful night with that gentle breeze blowing, watching my children age two to twelve all play together as if summer will never end and trying to still the anxious ache in my heart because it won’t.
Do you love the look on this face? I do. It’s the look of a little girl that worried and waited and then one day had the courage to ride a bike without training wheels. She was so sure it was too hard for her. Now it’s something she loves. It’s a look of learning and pride and delight. I need to remember this face, because it comes during the school year too as new skills are mastered, knowledge is retained and performance improves.
I’m grateful for the brief stillness of this evening. Time to sit and process all that’s going on inside my heart. Here we go. Ready or not, it comes.