Joy, week 29

 

A few minutes ago I sat outside in the darkness with most of my children to watch a lightning storm.  The wind was picking up, blowing through our hair with a coolness you really appreciate in July’s heat.  The little ones squealed with delight and awe as the sky lit up, making me smile.  I sat and watched both the sky and them, grateful for a pause, grateful just to be where I was.

I am so embarrassed about last week’s post.  It had been a really hard week, but I had no right to indulge in such self pity.  It seems that since I wrote it, the Lord has been on a mission to put my in my place, reminding me how small my trials really are and how much I really have.

I got my wish.  We had the “regular” variety of problems this week.  The front door knob broke, we had scratches and bruises and sunburns.  We went four days with only one car, and I suppose it’s a blessing that fixing the van only cost $500.   The insurance company managed to process the claim from my son’s surgeon, leaving only a couple of minor claims to follow up on.  It was a week of soccer practices, scout camp, more doctor and physical therapy appointments which have now been absorbed into our usual routine.

My birthday came and went this week.  For the first time in my life I passionately did NOT want to celebrate my birthday.  It felt like a deadline, proof that I’m not measuring up.  To my surprise, the day turned out to be rather pleasant and I felt fine about things.  I received some sweet phone calls and visits, and one dear friend invited our children over to their home to play and roast marshmallows while we went out to dinner.  So now it’s past and there’s much for me to accomplish in the next year.

I worked hard on managing my stress this week, pausing when my stomach was in knots to focus on letting it go, letting go of the burden and focusing instead on doing what needed to be done.  It’s still a weakness, and likely to remain so for a while, but it seemed to help.

To top things off, I was asked to speak in church on the topic of the Mormon pioneers and their sacrifices.  Well, there’s nothing like going through the stories of your ancestors and remembering what they suffered to put your own problems in perspective.  I am so, so blessed.  I am also uplifted by their perseverance and feel ready to carry on.

I am grateful for our challenges.  I’m not particularly enjoying them, but I do feel recommitted to facing them with more faith and poise.  I am grateful for my husband and my children.   I am grateful for a home to live in, for food on the table and clothes on our backs.  I am grateful for so much.

Jennifer

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