A Year of Habits, no. 47

Only five weeks left in the year, and I am most definitely not the person I wanted to be at the end of the year.  Have I improved?  Yes.  Have I arrived?  No.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday surrounded by family we love, and I enjoyed my time in the kitchen preparing the meal and baking pies.  The pause Thanksgiving brings is now behind us and it’s full speed ahead for the duration of  the year.   I feel excited for the Christmas season; looking forward to decorating, a little worried about getting everything done, hoping I can find time for some things that only I care about, praying that somehow my children can set aside the petty things and let their better natures rise to the occasion.

I was up all night last night with a sick child so today my perspective on the week is tainted by a weary ache behind my eyes and the feeling that I’m looking around, holding my breath while we wait for the next one to succumb to a virus.  I have so much to do this week:  do I pray they all get sick tomorrow or hold on to the hope that some of us will escape?  It’s been a few days of quiet, which I appreciated, but at the moment I feel completely unprepared to hit the ground running with a new school week tomorrow.  I’m sure there’s some unfinished homework in at least one backpack and I don’t even want to see what’s on the calendar.  And I wonder, why is it that after brief breaks like this I dread getting back to real life so passionately?  I know others who love it and wish I knew why it makes me sick to my stomach.

Last night my husband and I were honored to attend a birthday dinner for a friend.  I’ve found myself reflecting on it today.  There are so many things we worry about and spend our time and resources on, but people are what matter; relationships are what count.   I want to do a better job of remembering that all the time.

I continue to work at getting and keeping the house cleaner.  I continue to try to finish things when I start them and to avoid starting things I really don’t have time for.  I’m trying to be a better mother, to respond calmly to my children no matter how upset they are, to be more patient with the newterrain that seems to come with teenaged children – a landscape full of unexpected emotional land mines and sprinkled with times of real humor and enjoyment.  I am trying to be of greater service to others, trying to spend my time doing what matters most.  I think I’m slowly improving but I make a lot of mistakes and am continually humbled by how hard I can try and still fall short.

I am grateful for my blessings, humbled by my responsibilities.  I rejoice in knowing there is a God who cares about us all, who knows me personally and on whom I can lean when I am tired and in whom I can trust when I am worried.  I am so thankful for the gifts of love he leaves all around me, this week in the form of stunning sunrises especially.  We even had a day of total sunshine this week!

Life is good.  I am so blessed.  I hope your week is amazing!

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