A Year of Habits, no. 19

May is an interesting month.

There’s a reason why I dread it.  We’re too busy.  We’re tired.  We’re never home.  End of year assignments inevitably come, bringing various family members to the brink of tears.  Soccer games.  Recitals.  Soccer tryouts.  Registration for school the next year.  Scheduling for the summer.

It doesn’t matter how hard I try to prevent it.  It doesn’t matter that I know it’s coming.  The stress still builds and I still feel like our lives begin to unravel; first slowly and then rapidly until at last I wonder which will come to an end first, the school year or the string, or perhaps my sanity.   I’m afraid my sanity is running low.

Here I sit, midway through the month.  We’re in the thick of it.  Once again, I wonder if we’ll make it.  Sometimes I hate this month.  I hate it because it spotlights all my failings.  I hate it because I always forget this or miss that.  I hate it because the house is a mess.  I hate the late night trips to the store for this or that project.  I hate the last minute rush to provide yet another plate of cookies for whatever.  I hate it because I’m behind on laundry.  I hate it because we’re too busy to tackle the yard.  I hate the way we live exhausted.  I hate it because it makes me feel like a failure.  I always wonder what’s become of me and if I have any potential after all.

I just used the word “hate” a lot of times.  I know it’s just a month, and a lot of great things happen in May.   Every year I promise myself it will be different and I’m so disappointed when it isn’t.

Ok, enough ranting.

It was another rugged week.   If I didn’t gain ground,  I suppose I gave up a minimal amount.

We had a party of sorts on Friday night.  We let our oldest two invite a bunch of friends over to grill hot dogs, roast marshmallows, and play night games.  Our numbers 2 and 3 also invited a friend.  It went well and everyone had a great time.  We had around 30 kids running around for several hours.  It took both of us to manage it, but my husband and I pulled it off and had fun doing it.

We also had our busiest weekend as far as travel for soccer.  It worked out.

I’m reading Team of Rivals in every spare minute.  I love this book.  I have only 2 1/2 chapters left and am feeling sad about finishing.  I don’t want Lincoln to die.   More on this topic soon.  I mention it only because reading is a habit I’m re-enthroning this year.

It’s 5:30 p.m. as I type this, but I’m falling asleep as I do.  I’d best get dinner finished and on the table so we can get a decent night’s sleep.  I hope your month is going well, and that your week is great!

Jennifer