On the last day of the year…

…we had a very normal day.  Normal, except that I took more time than usual to soak it all up.  Honestly, I wish we could go on like this for weeks but since we can’t, I want to remember it.  It was a perfect kind of day.

My husband took the oldest two snowboarding for several hours, providing our son with the opportunity to try out the new board he got this week after our snowboard designing friend warrantied his old one to inspect it’s flaw and gave him a brand new $500 board for nothing.  We are NOT one of those families with lots of connections but in this case I guess we got lucky.

While they were up there, I took the time to sit outside in the sunshine and watch some of the others play a game of football in the backyard.  Notice the shorts, t-shirt and bare feet?  Winter has yet to hit where we are, and much as I hate the snow I’ve started praying for it so we’ll have water in the summer.  It’s not looking good and I have big dreams for my gardens and flowers this year.




My youngest has been incredibly sweet, funny, silly, etc. today.  It’s been delightful to be around her.  For a little while she lay on my couch in a silly position and I took a picture.  She carried the camera around, laughing uncontrollably, for 15 minutes as she looked at this picture of herself.   I realized how much she’s grown, as she can now identify a picture of herself as “me”.  Sigh.  Like her outfit?  She came up with it herself.  She does this about 27 times each day, and is now in the habit of drawing from any drawer she can open, which means she comes downstairs in all kinds of sizes.


One of my daughters was bored and couldn’t find a friend to play with so we drew a bird on some muslin and she spent the afternoon learning to embroider.  To my surprise she was quite good at it and didn’t quit until it was finished.  Not once did she get her thread knotted or anything else of that nature.  I need to do this for her much more!


We chuckled as we sat there because our little one wanted to kiss an owie on her sister’s foot.  Big sister warned her not to (remember the barefoot football game) because her feet were so dirty so while she stitched she got her feet lovingly cleaned.


And I thought to myself that I’ve GOT to find a way to slow down and enjoy this kind of day unfolding much, much more often than I do.


I got out a stack of fabric that I haven’t touched in 9 months and enjoyed spending some time at the sewing machine for the first time in weeks.


This was my after-Christmas splurge.  These rolls of wrapping paper (from Target) make me smile.  I guess I’m loving bold geometric prints more all the time.  I’m going to find something really fun to do with this!


The children are taking turns playing the Wii and gawking at the television while the others have their turn.


Right now I sit with my five year old son leaning on my shoulder.  Our little one is, at last, in bed fast asleep and the four year old is asleep on the other couch.  Our oldest is away at a New Year’s party which leaves #2 through #5 hanging out together in the room.  I enjoy listening to their conversation as they share opinions, giggle and all pile on the same chair together.  It’s moments like this that I hope they remember when they’re older.

We’re celebrating New Year’s Eve simply.  A simple, casual dinner of mostly appetizers.  Earlier this evening my husband and I enjoyed one of our favorite drinks, a cherry cream soda from a nearby shop.  I need to remember and appreciate these simple things.


For the past two years I’ve carried an adorable Cath Kidston notebook in my purse.  It’s completely full so I ordered a new one, along with a small agenda for 2012.  I’ve been working hard on my goals for the new year and I’m almost ready.

I’ll be back soon with a wrap-up for my Year of Habits, but for now I’m going to enjoy simply being here with my wonderful family.  And I’ve learned some good lessons from this year so 2012 will be much better.    I’ve got a lot of work to do.

Happy New Year!
Jennifer

Alive

I don’t know that I’ve gone ten days without blogging since I started this blog, yet here I am.  I even missed a Sunday night report.

I feel like December entered and swallowed me whole.  It’s still chewing.  I’m wondering which direction I’ll be facing and how my heart will have fared when at last it spits me out somewhere in January.  The month has been an exercise in crossing things off my list… undone.  An exercise in letting go of all expectations.  Somewhere in the middle of it all my amaryllis bloomed.  Yay! A bright spot.  And now my paperwhites are teaching me with their delicate beauty.


What to write about?  The plans I made for a new year?  The stress that’s got my stomach tied in an iron knot?  The week spent with two toddlers down with severe croup, struggling for breath day and night for more than 6 days (AFTER Decadron shots and breathing treatments)?  The exhaustion of not sleeping?  The happiness of seeing extended family you rarely see, and having them with you for Christmas?  The stress of preparing for such a visit while nursing the sick children?  The emotional pendulum daily swinging back and forth between joy and tears of discouragement and frustration while knowing the swing is irrational and at least 50% related to exhaustion?  My gratitude for a few days of sunshine for Christmas (no snow here)?  The heaviness of the gray skies which have once again descended?  The sore throat that hit while washing dishes after Christmas dinner and how I escaped crying in front of all my relatives only by racing outside into the cold darkness?  The wonder I felt when my two brothers walked into my house, took out the dry tree, vacuumed my family room, smashed down the trash cans, emptied the kitchen trash, played with my little ones and generally restored a sense of order and calm to my house and heart in about 20 minutes?  (Thanks, guys.)  Wondering how to judge the year after the month we’ve just lived?  The embarrassment of being stretched so thin by all these things while knowing that others are suffering far more?  Fear?  Trying to kill that fear with increased faith?  The joy of a few hours of creativity?  The incredible humility of having God show you weakness after weakness?  The uncertain future which just became even less certain?

All these things lay jumbled together in the forefront of my mind, overlapping one another, clouding my judgment and generally making it difficult to focus on any one thing.  My mind is racing and my heart is racing with it.

We are SO blessed.  But this month has felt SO hard.

JOY.  I need to find joy.  I need to fight the battles God has given us to fight right now with JOY and not stress, with FAITH and not fear.  I need to learn how to live without the ball of stress in my stomach being so heavy that I cannot eat.  Christ came to offer LIFE.  Abundant life.  JOY.  Eternal joy.  It’s time to rejoice.

So in spite of all my worries, I am going to seek joy in 2012.  Not sure exactly how, yet, but I’m working on it.  I’ll keep you posted.  Until then, I hope your December has been much better and that you’re planning something amazing for the new year.

Jennifer

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