Category: Yearly Goals

Joy, week 5

JOY in 2012



In her book, The Creative Habit, Twyla Tharp shares a picture of herself as a young girl and describes the many things this picture hints at and discloses about herself and her life.  She shares an interesting thought, “This photo reminds me of how every young person grows up with an overwhelming sense of possibility, and how life, in some ways, is just a series of incidents in which that possibility is either enlarged or smacked out of you.  How you adapt is your choice. ”

For some reason these two sentences have been parading through my mind all week, in various circumstances and moods.  It was an unusual week but a very busy week.  Every day there was an out of the ordinary but very important matter to take care of simply because I am a mother.  One or two were taken care of smoothly but most of them are alive and well… and painful, but with great potential for growth.  There is indeed an overwhelming sense of possibility but I still feel like I spent most of the week getting smacked around.

The result?  A humbler mother, to be sure.  A few additions to the daily and weekly lists of things to work on.  A sense of “joy” that was somewhat muted by both the experiences themselves and by a schedule that left little room for noticing and appreciating little things.  A heart that needs to hold still sometime soon in order to put things away where they belong.  A little anxiety that I’m already headed into the busy season that invariably hits in the spring and doesn’t let up even slightly until June.  A lot of stubborn determination to work harder and somehow have all this enlarge us as individuals and as a family.

Still, it was a good week.  After my evaluation last week I knew I really needed to make the weekly tasks work, and I’m happy to report that I did accomplish four essential but non-urgent weekly items, all relating to the growth and development of my children, that fell through the cracks last month.  I ran a tighter ship this week, in spite of it all, and that is a good thing.  The fact that I feel so good about it in spite of my discouragement tells me that I invested in things that really matter.  I also have my weekly plan for the coming week taken care of with these and other recurring priorities already penciled in.

I am sorry to say that the daily routine I’ve established in the mornings was greatly disrupted this week, which is definitely a contributing factor to my edgy emotions.  However, I never skipped my routine, just had to shorten it considerably.  In some ways it was probably helpful for me to have a week like this and realize that compromise in this area is unwise; I draw too much strength from it to make it negotiable.  I’m looking at another roller coaster week and hope I can maintain a better balance this time.

I have another list of items to take care of in February and am happy that I’ve accomplished a couple of them already.  That’s a nice feeling.

I must also say that the MVP award for the week goes to my youngest two daughters, who trudged EVERY DAY to some random appointment, commitment, meeting at the school, etc. and never once acted up.  They were absolute angels, sitting quietly, coloring in their Strawberry Shortcake coloring books while Mom dealt with “big kid” matters.  They found joy in simple things and generally kept me afloat by being so submissive and calm.  It wasn’t until the week was over that I looked back and really saw the golden thread of their perfect behavior as evidence of a God who cares that I’m trying to tackle hard things and was smoothing the way just a bit so I’d have the energy for it.  A very simple tender mercy, one I’m thankful for.

Lest the serious-minded “me” keep things too heavy, I must also acknowledge that there were some light, happy moments this week that I enjoyed.  I watched two of my daughters score goals in their futsal games.  I had some healthy conversations with my teenagers.  I got up super early Saturday morning so I could squeeze in some sewing time.  I went out to lunch with two of the women I most admire in this world and enjoyed every minute of it.  We spent time with a couple we really enjoy and laughed a lot (something I didn’t do enough of this week).  My husband started a new job recently and has been gone much more than our family is used to, which brings adjustments and needs all on its own.  One of them is that I miss him.  A lot.  Twice we left our daughter in charge and took off on our own for 45 minutes to connect, talk, and unwind a little.  It was very healthy, kind of  a lifeline for me, and I’m grateful we recognized that need and quickly responded with small pieces of time that we could afford instead of putting it off until later.  There were even a few happy homework moments with a couple of the children.

So I ask myself, after a tough week, am I happier?  The answer is “yes.”  I am happier, but not in the bubbly, cheery way.  I’m happier deep inside because I know that the things I invested in this week were things of importance.  I am happy because I tried hard to pay the price, to sacrifice the right things and to hold tightly to essential things.  I am happier but I do need to remember to tell that to my face.  I will smile more.

Life is good.  Have a great week!
Jennifer

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Joy, week 4 revisited

JOY in 2012, Musings on Life and Beauty

I have received some emails today inquiring after my reference yesterday to the phrase, “don’t look ahead to the pain.”  The original quote comes from a book called Lone Survivor , which I have not read, but have heard great reviews from people I know who have read it.

My association with the phrase comes from a speech given a year ago by D. Todd Christofferson which influenced me deeply when I first heard it.  I listened to it again and again, then printed it and read it several times.  I have learned a lot about receiving my daily bread from the Lord, a lesson begun by this message.

For your convenience, I share the passage I was referring to below.  If you want to read the entire speech, which I highly recommend, you can find it here .

Elder Christofferson’s words:

“Asking God for our daily bread, rather than our weekly, monthly, or yearly bread, is also a way to focus us on the smaller, more manageable bits of a problem. To deal with something very big, we may need to work at it in small, daily bites. Sometimes all we can handle is one day (or even just part of one day) at a time. Let me give you a nonscriptural example.

“A book I read recently, titled Lone Survivor, recounts the tragic story of a four-man team of U.S. Navy SEALs on a covert mission in a remote sector of Afghanistan five and one-half years ago. When they were inadvertently discovered by shepherds—two men and a boy—these specially trained Navy servicemen had a choice either to kill the two or let them go, knowing that if they let them live they would disclose the team’s location and they would be attacked immediately by al Qaeda and Taliban forces. Nevertheless, they let the innocent shepherds go, and in the firefight that followed, only the author, Marcus Luttrell, survived against well over 100 attackers.

“In his book, Luttrell recounts the extreme training and endurance required for one to qualify as a SEAL in the U.S. Navy. In Luttrell’s training group, for example, of the 164 men who began, only 32 managed to complete the course. They endured weeks of near-constant physical exertion, in and out of cold ocean water, swimming, paddling and carrying inflatable boats, running in sand, doing hundreds of push-ups a day, carrying logs through obstacle courses, and so forth. They were in a near-perpetual state of exhaustion.

“I was impressed by something a senior officer said to the group as they began the final and most demanding phase of their training.

“First of all,” he said, “I do not want you to give in to the pressure of the moment. Whenever you’re hurting bad, just hang in there. Finish the day. Then, if you’re still feeling bad, think about it long and hard before you decide to quit. Second, take it one day at a time. One [phase] at a time.

“Don’t let your thoughts run away with you, don’t start planning to bail out because you’re worried about the future and how much you can take. Don’t look ahead to the pain. Just get through the day, and there’s a wonderful career ahead of you.”

1 “Generally it is good to try to anticipate what is coming and prepare to deal with it. At times, however, this captain’s counsel is wise: “Take it one day at a time. … Don’t look ahead to the pain. Just get through the day.” To worry about what is or may be coming can be debilitating. It can paralyze us and make us quit.

“In the 1950s my mother survived radical cancer surgery, but difficult as that was, the surgery was followed with dozens of painful radiation treatments in what would now be considered rather primitive medical conditions. She recalls that her mother taught her something during that time that has helped her ever since: “I was so sick and weak, and I said to her one day, ‘Oh, Mother, I can’t stand having 16 more of those treatments.’ She said, ‘Can you go today?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well, honey, that’s all you have to do today.’ It has helped me many times when I remember to take one day or one thing at a time.”

“The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should just deal with this one day, with this one moment. If we ask, the Lord will let us know through the Holy Ghost when it may be appropriate for us to apply in our lives the commandment He gave His ancient Apostles: “Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient is the day unto the evil thereof” ( 3 Nephi 13:34 ; see also Matthew 6:34 ).”

Close quote.

Aren’t those wonderful words?  While I know my daily experience is nothing like that of a Navy Seal, I can’t help but think that the words of the officer apply so aptly to motherhood, to daily life.  So to all of us who are tired or worried or frustrated, let’s finish the day.  Let’s take it one day at a time when we need to.  Don’t look ahead to the pain, and there’s a wonderful life ahead of all of us.

How can you not have a great day after considering that?

Jennifer

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Joy, week 4

JOY in 2012



Wow, anybody know where January went?  What a blur!  I know it’s not actually over yet, and to be honest I’m counting on the last two days for the chance to wrap up a couple of things on my January to-do list, but for most purposes it’s basically gone.  I watch it go with mixed feelings.  It’s been quite a month.

Our family has been under a lot of stress this month, stress I haven’t discussed here.  I feel like we’ve weathered it really well, but I’m also aware that we weren’t required to weather it for as long as we might have, which helps a lot.  It was a month of losses and new beginnings, and now I’m facing a February of adjustments.  Adjustments that are inevitable, but which a part of me is not looking forward to me at all.  I’ve learned over the years that rarely do I receive an answer to prayer that doesn’t increase my workload.  I am SO grateful for our answered prayers this month but also confess to feeling daunted by the increased workload, by the continuous need to do more with less.  As I’ve struggled with this feeling I’ve felt a growing determination to find ways to make what feels like a step backwards become, in reality, a step forwards.   Easier said than done, but a worthy goal.

I was at the grocery store at 6:30 am on Friday for a random 8 oz. water bottle for a kindergarten project (?!?) and as I walked out of the store into the darkness it scared me that I felt so overwhelmed by a day that I had barely begun.  I took a deep breath in the cold morning air and a thought popped into my mind.  “Believe in yourself.  Your Heavenly Father believes in you.  He believes you can handle this day.”  So I did.  I changed my thinking and made it through the day – a particularly crazy day.  Later that night when I was driving my eleven year-old son to a campout 15 minutes late I started worrying about what they would think of our tardy arrival, feeling like I was falling short again.  But I caught myself, reviewed all the things I had been dealing with in the 6 hours prior to the campout that no one knew about, and said to myself “It doesn’t matter what what they may think.  They don’t know what the day has been like or how difficult it was to add this to the list.  If they knew you’d get rock star bonus points.  Let it go.”  And I did.

Another lesson came yesterday afternoon as I was driving my son home from another grueling conditioning practice for the high school lacrosse team.  He was talking about how many of the guys were throwing up and how hard it was and how the coaches were telling them not to question but just to do it and get through it.  It reminded me of some good advice I heard from D. Todd Christofferson:  “don’t look ahead to the pain.”  We talked about how it applied to his practice, but later when I caught myself worrying about everything I needed to do that night, and how things were falling apart around the house because I’d been gone so much, and how it wasn’t going to get any better in the next week because I’d be gone as much then too, worrying about some financial questions that are outside of my control, worrying about the length of my husband’s new commute to and from work, worrying, worrying, worrying, I suddenly realized that I was “looking ahead to the pain.”  The realization brought me up short and I really worked to put on the brakes.  The worries are still sneaking around, but I’m holding the door shut with my two lessons:  Believe in yourself.  Don’t look ahead to the pain.

Enough of that.  Now for the review.  Things stand pretty much where they did last week, with my strong areas still improving and with the things I haven’t really worked on yet still waiting.  That’s ok on a crazy week, right?   My weekly list continues to be my weakest point.  The daily list and monthly list have been pretty well handled.  In fact, as I look at my specific January list I realize I’ve never crossed so many things off a monthly to-do list before.  I’ve been productive, albeit in ten minute segments, but it’s good for me to see that ten minutes adds up.  I’m trying to enjoy the process.  I also realize that I used more wisdom in making the list in the first place.  Good for me.  Another thing I’m liking is having my lists for the entire year already waiting in my notebook, so when I remember something I can just add it to the right month, like a birthday party I want to give, and so forth.  I hope that at the end of the year I will have accomplished the things I care most about.  As for the weekly list, I’m giving myself the rest of today to brainstorm a plan for catching these items before it’s Saturday night again.

Some specifics.  I do my scripture study and reading immediately after getting everyone to school.  It’s the best, most important part of my day.  I am noticing that I could use a little more time for prayer without the little ones running around me.  I’m going to work on that.

I finished reading The Happiness Project this week.  I really enjoyed it and have a short list of things to remember and use as part of my plan to seek and find joy in 2012.  I’m glad I read it in January even though it wasn’t my original plan.  I’m also glad I’ve paused the 7 Habits while I work on some habits as a mother before I give myself more to do.  I’m taking notes in that book, as well.  I now have two more books to read in the next couple of days before they’re due at the library.  We’ll see if I make it, especially with a dirty house.  This makes two books finished in January, one from each of my lists, which puts me right on track for the year.

I feel ok about my efforts around the house.   I’m trying to take a step back and re-evaluate how I want things to run, to look and how to feel about it.   I need to redefine how the state of my house relates to my feelings about myself.  I’m trying to simplify what we’re doing, and I realize that’s a process.

In small pieces I’ve worked on some projects this week.  Really small pieces of time, really small progress, but it’s still better than not starting because I don’t have a lot of time.  I’m getting better at using ten and fifteen minute blocks.

I did a better job of meal planning and efficient grocery shopping this week and had a smile on my face when I left the store with as much as I did for as little as I spent.  That feels good.

I tried to find joy in small moments with my children.  Joy in the snowman my son made, joy in tickling them, joy in watching the little girls choose new coloring books at the dollar store, joy in taking my oldest son to get his favorite french fries after an intense few hours of appointments together, joy in driving them places and having those few minutes with them in the car, joy in wrapping my daughter’s ankles for futsal, joy in seeing my daughter waiting on the sidewalk to be picked up after school, joy in watching them do what they’re told, patience when they don’t, and a smile in my heart when they’re being irrational.  And oh, how my heart has filled with joy at the monstrous hugs from my youngest son (the other night he was giving me another big hug when he asked his older brother “Why don’t you give Mom big hugs too?  SO cute) and the darling comments from my two little girls.   My two year old cleared the table after dinner one night – all by herself – and I felt both joy and awe and urgency as I watched.  But I let her do it and she BEAMED.

Let’s be honest, though.  Pausing to enjoy a lot of moments has a price tag.  I get less done.  But I am happier.  It’s a great investment.

I emailed an acquaintance this week and asked for recommendations with a gardening question.  Her response was so warm and positive, making me glad I’d found the courage to ask for advice.  Certain seed catalogs will soon be arriving at my house and I’m excited for them to come.  I know I’m behind the schedule of “serious” gardeners but it’s great progress for me.  So I’ve started on my gardening goals for the year.  Yay!

So, as I wrap up January I’ve got some “goals housekeeping” to do.  I need to build the weekly tasks into my life more solidly.  I need to work more on the specific JOY goals I set.  I also need to spend some time in the record keeping area.  This was an area I’d reserved largely for Sunday but our Sundays haven’t been anything like what I planned.  All these things need some attention so I can tweak things accordingly as we welcome February.  I need to stay mentally tough and positive even when I’m busy and don’t have time to really nourish my heart, which means I need to develop some quick, on-the-fly strategies I can remember on the run.  But in all, it’s been a great month and I have every reason to expect the next month to be even better.

I read a great quote this week that impressed me.  It reads, “Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth.  We are happy when we are growing.”  -William Butler Yeats I think that’s why I feel good.  I’m growing.  I’m nowhere near where I’d like to be.  In fact, I’m just beginning.  But because I’ve been more specific in my goals for 2012 and am evaluating myself daily, weekly and monthly, I can see that I’m growing.  And so I feel happy, and happiness feels good.

Have a great week!

Jennifer

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