Category: Helpfulness of Habit

Can you believe it’s October?  No?  Me either.

I visited our gardens tonight to pick some veggies for our salad and as I poked around for things that looked yummy I realized that our gardens are the perfect illustration of my life right now.  On the one hand, the season is winding down.  Pumpkin vines are dying back, sunflowers hanging low (begging me to get my act together and harvest their seeds) and a general crunch is heard beneath my feet as fallen leaves gather slowly on the ground.  A few days ago I was driving down the street when a breeze suddenly sent a dozen or so yellow leaves swirling into the air and then to the ground.  My first glimpse of falling leaves this year.  On the other hand, summer is still in full force.  My dahlias are bursting with blooms.  The largest dahlia of the year just bloomed a day or two ago.  My daughter’s bell pepper plant is suddenly loaded with peppers and my son’s cucumbers recently decided to go gangbusters and produce the first cucumbers of the year.  Two days ago I noticed a new blossom on one of the pumpkin vines and was surprised; this afternoon there is a small pumpkin growing in its place. My squash plants have no clue that it’s October and there are dozens of tomatoes yet to come.

Yes, the garden stands on this funny threshold between summer and fall and I confess my heart is the same.  Part of me wants to hang on with all my might to what’s left of summer and another part of me is ready to run ahead and embrace fall with the holiday season hot on its heels.  I love so many things about both seasons that I begin to feel indecisive.  Which is better:  a fresh peach or a fresh pear?  When they’re both picked from local trees I admit I’ll choose whatever I just ate a bite of.  Do I want to tear the garden out and start planting my bulbs, or do I want to enjoy it longer and risk a frost?  I love the harvest, love the colors, taste, texture of it all.  You wait all summer, watching and anticipating and then it’s here.  Fresh everything!  There’s so much of it you can hardly use it all and you have more ideas for what you’d like to make than time to try them.  And then, suddenly, it’s over and the trees are barren and I’m praying there’s crisp lettuce at the grocery store.

We’re eating dinner outside as much as possible.  Tonight we enjoyed my favorite:

creamy zucchini soup with an incredible green salad.  Most of the salad ingredients came from my garden, as did the zucchini.  We fed almost 20 people for around $5.00.   It’s the time of year when I can hardly bear to call the kids inside because the perfect temperatures lure me out with them.  I’ve got a lot of peaches in my fridge needing attention tomorrow.  My kitchen table has had fresh flowers from my yard on it for weeks and I realize that one small goal I had for myself has definitely been reached.  Fresh flowers in my kitchen from my own yard.  {Happy sigh.}

We had a busy week.  A week of soccer games, lacrosse, lessons.  I had a project to knock out that is, gratefully, off and out of my hands for a few weeks.  I thought I’d get a ton of things done this week but as it turned out it wasn’t very productive.  I can’t remember a week when there was so much crying from the children or bickering among them.  A few days ago while a friend was at the door my three year old hung her dolls upside down by their toes on my front porch bench.  I watched her and couldn’t help thinking it might be what the kids needed to shake them out of their general grouchy moods.  It’s like we’re all tired, sluggish, hazy.

This weekend we got to sit and listen to living prophets remind and instruct us and I loved every minute of it.  I feel centered, motivated, optimistic.  I’m also wondering what on earth I’ll put in the lunch bags for my children in the morning, hoping they all have clean clothes to wear to school and praying there’s not unfinished homework in any backpacks.  We really need to hit it hard tomorrow morning.  I’m still a bit awed by how completely our awesome schedule was thrown by last week’s wedding, but we’ll get back on track.  Of course we will.  Right?:)

As for the specific habits, I think I just admitted that the childrens schedules and work habits didn’t go so well this week.  Every time I asked one of them to do something I got this blank look from them, like they really weren’t processing my words.  A soft reply?  Well, a few times I did really, really well and a few times I went head to head with my oldest.  Never something I’m proud of.  I admit that this week I decided to start studying what it really means to be long suffering.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to need this quality in great measure in coming months and years.  And to my parents:  While I’d like to think that I was a pretty good teenager, living with them is quickly destroying any hope that I was as nice as I should have been.  I’m so sorry for the times when I was mouthy and rude.  Wow, it’s no fun when a teenager is on a verbal roll.

Housekeeping.  I did ok.  Not as well as I wanted.  Finishing?  I’m close on some things, but didn’t finish what I intended to.

Ok, I guess I have no real progress to report.  But guess what else?  I feel ok about things.  I am really trying to make good decisions and sacrifice the right things for my family.  I like the direction I’m heading and feel good about life.  It’s going to work out.

And so I’m off to get some sleep before the new week hits us like a freight train.  I’m leaving the list of my urgent tasks sitting next to my cell phone so that hopefully the week won’t run away without me.

Life is good.  Really good.
Happy summer/fall!

Jennifer

It is a beautiful evening.   A few golden rays of sunlight splash horizontally across a sliver of the cherry tree as I sit in the yard to type this.  The sound of crickets chirping combine with an occasional call of birds and the happy laughter of my children on the other end of the yard.  Across the street a dog is barking while a gentle breeze plays across my face.  The children have constructed, dismantled, and built a new fort several times this weekend.  Right now they lay together on blankets beneath the structure they built most recently.  I can hear enough to make out their voices but not their words, which are punctuated often with laughter.  I watch this little group and feel so lucky to call them mine.  I hope that someday they will look back at their childhood together and recognize the great gift of friendship they enjoyed because we have so many of them and because we had them close together.  I wish I could bottle this happiness to use as medicine on the days when they can’t stand one another, with an extra bottle to save for the days when it hurts to have them grown years from now.

It has been a great weekend.  Evidence of groups come and gone is everywhere.  It’s in the folding chairs on the lawn, the pile of trash bags in the garbage can, the collection of towels to be washed, the toys strewn across the house, the tired eyes of little ones.  But mostly, I suppose, the evidence is in my heart.  There’s this happy feeling that treasures the messes as a final reminder of all the smiles, conversations, hugs and memories that have been exchanged here in the past three days.  I feel so honored that so much of it took place here .  Just a little while ago we said good-bye to the last of our guests and my children “ran” my parents down the street to the stop sign.  A few last waves and then they were gone.  It was busy, noisy, but oh-so-much-fun!  All of us were together, something that becomes more precious with time and distance.  My brother was married yesterday.  Another brother blessed his baby in our home yesterday.  The men and older children cheered themselves hoarse at the BYU football game Friday night, the women enjoyed an evening together and the younger children spent magical hours in the backyard and basement.  My heart is full.  Can it get better than this?

I got a lot done, but the things I didn’t get to in preparation for the weekend remains much longer than what I crossed off.  Still, it all worked out.  What was dirty is still dirty and what was clean is now cluttered.  And that’s ok.  It’s as it should be.   When all is said and done it’s people that matter.  Tonight I feel blessed to have so many people that matter to me and my greatest hope is that in some small way this weekend was an “I love you” to them.  To those of my family who read this blog I say, “Thank you so much for coming. I love you.”  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

And now for the habits.  I threw my ultra healthy diet to the wind for a few days but am excited to get back in the groove tomorrow.   I am grateful for my progress in this area.

I worked so hard on the house this week and while it’s nowhere near my standard I am encouraged.  If I work hard again this week I think I can recover what was lost over the weekend and continue to improve.  I also got the basement clean so we’ve got a large, tidy space to play ping pong, air hockey, or the basketball double shot.  The children loved it and on Saturday night we had some teenagers down there, too.  Just what I pictured.

I finished several projects in anticipation of this weekend and am close on others.  I intend to finish them by mid-October.  For the record, here is the list:  two headboards to paint, an end table to paint, and another dresser to sand down and paint.    I have a few chairs to tackle as well.  I also have some sewing to do and a couple of curtains to hang.

After a few days’ break from our school routine I’ve got to hit it hard again tomorrow so the homework and music lessons move forward as they should.

I’m behind on my weeding in the yard, but anxious to get out here and knock it out.

A soft reply.  There were a few times I butted heads with a couple of children, but many times when I held my tongue and tried to respond with patience and kindness.  I hope someday to be the mother my children deserve.

Service.  I did find a few small opportunities to serve and I also followed a couple of promptings I had.  Nothing spectacular, but it feels good to do what is right.

I am so blessed.  My husband is so good to me.  I love him with all my heart.  I am so blessed to have this great group of children and feel privileged that we get to learn how to be a family together.   Nothing else beats this.  It is what live is all about.

The sun is now down and the darkness gathers around us.  The temperature has dropped a few degrees and I’m now batting away the mosquitoes.  The crickets sing more loudly as we head indoors.

We’re tired.  We need sleep.  It’s going to be a great week.

Jennifer

Tonight we had some old friends over for dinner, friends we don’t see often enough.  We ate a delicious meal in the backyard beneath the cherry tree.  The children played, the dads caught up on life, and we two moms talked and talked and talked.

Right now my kitchen bears evidence of the gathering and the children were put to bed much later than we hoped, but it was well worth the visit.  Part of me worries a little at pulling it all together for a new week with tired children in the morning, but a bigger part of me is satisfied that it was an evening well spent.

I think back over my week and can’t help but feel pretty good about it.  I remember what I wrote at the beginning of the year, “my heart wants to fly, to fly high and soar like an eagle.”  While I have a gnawing sense of urgency as the year marches on with so much work yet unfinished, I must acknowledge that several times this week my heart did fly.  Interestingly, that feeling didn’t come as a result of anything I did, but because of things I observed my children doing.  I watched them in those moments, thinking to myself, “They just might be getting it!” as my heart swelled with joy.

My ten year old son has taken over the lawn mowing position in our family.  He’s doing it willingly, cheerfully, finding a way to be original (a secret for another week) and taking pride in his work.  Yesterday he knocked on a neighbor’s door and negotiated to mow their lawn for $10.  He promptly did the job and the homeowner told him it was the best mowing job she’d seen done on her yard in about three years.  I see things like this, think about all the times we’ve pushed him to work, work harder, and work harder some more, and wonder if it’s beginning to pay off.  He’s beginning to discover the joy of a job well done.  He’s developing a helpful habit.  This week he was the hardest worker around the house.

We’re improving the music practice.   Another habit picking up momentum.

Last night I had a great conversation with my oldest child.  He and I have struggled to communicate a few times this week.  Last night he was expressing frustration and I bit my tongue and listened.  When he was done I showed respect and understanding of his feelings and asked if I could share a thought with him.  I told him he didn’t have to like it, accept it or agree with it but asked him simply to think about it.  I was then able to present the same scenario to him from another perspective and help him see how the other individual might be feeling as a result of my son’s behavior.  Surprisingly, he listened to me.  When I finished he said, “I never thought of it like that before.”  Then he turned around and went to the other room to apologize to his dad.  I was stunned but grateful for a successful conversation.  It motivated me to be a better listener, to communicate with him more carefully and patiently, and taught me to trust the greatness of his heart a little bit more.  A soft reply really is best, isn’t it?

The house is slowly getting better.  It’s still a long way from where I’d like it to be when we turn it into a hotel this weekend, but progress is progress.  I’m finishing things.  I feel like I’m adjusting my sleep habits to where I want them to be.  I’m eating well, something I’ve been working at for a few months now.  Slow but steady changes.

I’m watching my children set goals and achieve them.  I’m watching them work hard to earn what they set their hearts on.  I watched my 8 year old daughter commit to shooting on goal three times in her game yesterday.  She only shot once, but it went in.  Her confidence is boosted and she’s getting a taste of what happens when we set goals and work at them.

I haven’t been reading as much as I’d like, and I feel like I need to carve more quiet out of the day, quiet time for reflection and writing.  I feel like there’s another layer, a richer layer, that is settling briefly but lifting when I get too busy.   I want it to settle and stay and feel that reading and writing are the missing elements.  In spite of decreased reading I have been precise about my religious study and I feel such a power coming from that time spent reading holy scripture and praying to my Heavenly Father about my many responsibilities.  I’m finding it easier to make decisions and feel more confident that I’m choosing what is truly best for my children.  I’m finding it easier to sacrifice in their behalf.  It’s easier to be patient and level-headed even when the house feels crazy.

The homework routine continues to improve with all the children.  Some need more motivation but we’re doing better.  We’re really working at it.

My little one was sick most of the week and wow, was she miserable!  I spent a lot of time holding her but I enjoyed it.  She will only be little once and I won’t miss it for anything, especially a clean kitchen floor.  I love her so much.

Today we enjoyed a couple of hours of family time that was unique.  We were all just hanging out in the family room and everyone was quietly talking and playing.  NO FIGHTING!  It was simply wonderful and even the children commented on how fun and relaxing it was.

And so I go to bed content.  My list of projects is long.  My list of worries is longer.  My need to really organize our family is great.  I have much to improve in, and right now there is more I don’t like about myself than I do like.  Still, I feel that we’re putting the right pieces into place.  We’re focusing on the right habits, and soon the habits will begin to serve us.  I have great faith in the future.  I have great hope that I can become who want to become.  I know that God is aware of me and that he loves me.  I know He helps me.  I am one of the least of his daughters, but still he finds me worthy of improvement, help and comfort.  I am so deeply grateful for this.

Life is good, and I hope the week will be great.

Wishing you the best, Jennifer