Category: Helpfulness of Habit

Thirty-six weeks.  Crazy.  That means there are only sixteen weeks left in the year and I’m afraid I’ve got more than 16 weeks of work to do in that time.  Sigh.

It was a good week but a tough week at the same time.  I have chosen to place emphasis right now on the habits my children most need for a successful academic year.  In this area I feel that we are coming along nicely.  Homework habits are progressing, including better reporting and communicating with my oldest son about what is upcoming in his classes.  This is a huge victory.  I’m learning some lessons about helping my kindergartener with his homework.  He needs my 100% undivided attention and I need to hold him on my lap while we do it so he can’t walk away after every math problem.  We did have one insane day of homework noise and battles.  It happened to fall on a day when I’d planned to spend some time at a little party with my sister and as the intensity built I found myself looking forward to a break much more than I usually do.   I had a great time with her (thanks for inviting me, Kris!) and cleared my mind enough to see some ways to improve.  Thursday and Friday went much more smoothly.

We’ve also resumed piano lessons, which means we need 2 hours of collective piano practice to happen every day and 30 minutes of violin.   By the end of the week I had things running well enough that we are doing an hour of piano as well as the violin in the mornings before school.  Our house must sound interesting to someone walking by at 6:30 a.m.!  This leaves only 2 practices on the piano to nail down after school and it’s manageable.   I feel really good about this arrangement.

I’m taking my little girls on more walks in the morning.  Go ahead and laugh, but this is my first discovery of the simplicity of putting two children in a stroller!  I’ve never had just two at home before and I’m amazed at how much easier it is to exercise.   It’s been so interesting to watch my two youngest deepen their friendship during the kindergarten hours.  They’re enjoying that time immensely and my three year old, after only two weeks of kindergarten, is already moaning about getting in the car to pick up her brother.

This was the week when our fall school & sports schedule went into full swing.  The driving has begun.  I feel like I’ve handled it well but there is still much to improve.  Yesterday I had to shake my head in frustration at the cavernous gap between life on paper and life as it plays out.   It amazes me how I can work everything out and have it seem relatively simple the night before, yet the day turns out so much more complicated and stressful than I intend for it to.  There are the precious minutes spent negotiating with one or more children who refuse to cooperate, detours to find bathrooms for any number of children, events that run on past the allotted time and so forth.  Life on paper was nothing like life in reality this week.

So there is much to feel good about.  If we can maintain these things and really turn them into habits I will be thrilled with our progress.  So far I’ve been able to be mentally on my game in the after school and before school hours.  For the first time in a long time I feel like I’ve got a shot at making it all work, and work well.  I like that feeling, but the other side of this investment is the fact that my time for housekeeping has been woefully decreased and it’s showing.

More than once this week I looked around and wanted to cry.   More than once this week I looked at my list of urgent additional projects and felt discouraged.  More than once this week I’ve thought I could scurry around and pull things back together but it hasn’t happened.  The kindergarten pick-up costs me 45-50 minutes in the middle of the day.  This week I had all eight of them at the dentist (no cavities to take care of, hooray!) and we made two additional trips to the doctor to work on a mysterious health concern with one of the kids.  I’m learning how to tape my daughter’s ankles for every soccer practice and game which has thrown the schedule off a bit.  Life is life and it’s full of curve balls.  Somehow I have to find a way to get it all done anyway.  I don’t know how yet but there must be a way.  Again, life on paper seems so reasonable but life as it happens is another story.  I’ve got to simplify even more, but where?  How?  What do I cut out?  I think the big pieces are in place, but we need a lot of fine tuning.

When I’ve felt like crying I’ve tried to rally quickly before my fears kill my hope.  Prayer helps.  Talking aloud with my children about how pleased I am with their efforts and our overall progress has helped as well.  It gets harder during the school year to require the children to work around the house because they’ve got homework, activities to get to, and they need some down time too.  I’m trying to respect these considerations but also keep them working because there is just too much to do.  I can’t do it all myself anymore.  There are too many of us and too much going on.

So as another week begins I’m being mentally disciplined and not allowing myself to worry too much about what’s not getting done.  I will just keep at it and do my best, feeling grateful for the progress the Lord has helped us with.  And let’s pray I get the house clean, too.  That would be a really good thing.

God bless you in your week.

Jennifer

I hope you’re having a nice Labor Day weekend.  Ours has been uneventful so far, which is nice.

I’ve been thinking about this little routine of mine, to type a summary or report of my week as part of my effort to become the person I want to be.  I believe that reporting is important but measuring is difficult.  You see, my goals this year didn’t involve specific things that I could do and then cross off the list.  There are a few things like that, but the essence of my intent is about something I want to be .  Yes, there are certain things which, if I do, will increase the probability of my becoming what I want to be, but how do you measure how far you are along the road of becoming?  It’s a difficult thing.

I’ve wondered at times if I went wrong when I outlined things the way I did.  I know all the “rules” about making goals and how they have to involve specific things so you can reach them, etc. etc.  Did I doom my effort from the start by setting it up this way?  I don’t think so.  I felt strongly that I should focus my efforts on becoming a different person in some important areas of my life.

I’ve been reading this talk fairly often for the past few months, and part of it sums up the difficulty I’m struggling with:

“Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why?

To do ’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn checkmarks with to be ’s. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday, which is a to do.
But being a good husband is not an event; it needs to be part of my nature—my character, or who I am.”   – Lynn G. Robbins It would have been easier to make a to do list for the year so I could look at it and see how many items I’d crossed off and how many remain.  What matters most to me, however, is what I’m becoming (and if I’m becoming), and so here I am, in the 35th week of my goal, wondering.

Even so, I feel good about the week.  I feel good about my efforts to start the school year with precise homework and music practice habits.  I feel good about my efforts to get the children on a healthy schedule for the year as well.  I made some difficult decisions earlier in May regarding activities for the children to be involved in this fall.  We cut back, and it was hard for me to do.  It seems to be helping, though.  Every day we have an hour or two before practices start which has allowed me to focus entirely on the school-aged children and help them with homework, etc.  This little window of time has been precious, giving us breathing room between school and extra-curricular activites.  The children seem happy to do less driving and rushing around.  We’re still crazy busy, but now we have that precious hour.  We all seem happier.

I feel good about my efforts around the house this week also.  My brother is getting married in a few weeks and I’ve moved a lot of “house” to-do’s up to the top of the list in hope that I’ll get them done before the company comes.  If I do, I’ll feel really good about myself.  Over all, the house is cleaner and more tidy right now than it usually is at this point in time.  Perhaps I’m getting better at it.

I tried new things this week and finished a couple of projects.  I feel that I’m finishing more projects and becoming wiser about starting things.  I still have far to go in this area but I like the direction I’m moving.  I tackled something that was overwhelming me.  It’s not finished yet but having started, I don’t feel nearly as intimidated by it as I was two days ago and I have a vision to guide my efforts.

I am working really hard at being a mother who responds softly to her children.  I’m getting better.  Today alone provided abundant opportunities to bite my tongue and listen, to build instead of criticize.

The past couple of weeks have offered some opportunities for us to serve others and I’m glad we were able to do even small things for people around us.  Service is so important.

I continue to eat well and try to take good care of myself.  While I wish I was losing weight at a more dramatic rate, I realize it’s a blessing.  Having it take longer than I’d like means I’m more likely to really change my habits and lifestyle for the long run.  I’m more likely to become a different person.

I can say this:  I am sleepy!  It’s off to bed for me so I can rise with the roosters and get going on my list.  Have a great day!

Jennifer

Well, the first week of school is now under our belts as August draws to a close.   My #6 starts school in the morning.  I hardly know what to think and so I’m trying not to think much about it.   I’m really not sure how it will go.  Will he cry?  Will I cry?  Will we both cry?  Will he just walk right in and be fine?  And if he does walk right in, what will he do on the second day?  The second week?

The week was a good one.  It’s funny how you can run all over the place before school starts, spending hundreds of dollars and then the first week of school comes along and you have to keep going back to the store for this or for that spending hundreds of dollars all over again.?!?  Why do we do this?  I’ve looked around more than once this week and wondered how we let sending the children to school for another year become such a spending blitz.    What happened to a binder, pen or pencil, and paper?

In general I feel good about the week.  I really worked hard.  I worked hard on the house and I worked hard – very hard – at beginning the school year with the kind of schedule and priorities I feel will bring success for my children.  If we can make some of these things stick then we’ll have a number of helpful habits working for us.  I feel motivated and confident that we can build these habits.

My husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this week as well.   It was such a long, busy day that I was ready to cry by the time we actually left the house for a quiet but late dinner together.  He’s my everything.  I love him so much.

It was a great week, but I am oh, so tired.  Off to bed I go…

Jennifer