Category: JOY in 2012

Tonight was a great night, a night that provided a massive sigh of relief and, therefore, a sunny outlook on all the effort that preceded it.

This week was many things.  It was a week of soccer practices and games, a week of laundry, a week of homework, driving and long lists with only a handful of items crossed off.  But the best name for my week would be “The Hunt for the Yellow Shirt.”

My oldest daughter is singing in a choir for the General Young Women’s Broadcast for the LDS Church in two weeks.  We knew going in that there would be long weekly practices and other things to do.  We had no idea that the clothing assignment would cost me 15+ hours of time spent going in and out of every store looking for a yellow shirt, an entire tank of gas (which topped out at over $100 this week… ouch!), and the general unhappiness of little ones who are dragged from place to place to place.  Monday afternoon found me in a thrift store with ten children, five of them under age 6 and three of them not mine, hunting for shirts.  I found several along the way that met the requirements but didn’t fit, and passed them along to other moms who were also hunting.  We found one that was fabulous, but two days later were told it wouldn’t work.  Once more we searched until finally I’d assembled four different options.  I started having nightmares about yellow shirts.   Tonight we went to the practice, presented our choices and let the leaders decide what they wanted her to wear.  Having that responsibility taken care of, I could sit down and relax and from here on out we’ll enjoy the experience.  A few days I felt highly frustrated that this tiny little life detail was taking over my life; tonight I’m just thankful that we were obedient, that I worried about it when I did and that I can move on to other priorities.

It all sounds so simple and so silly when I type it, but truly my week was largely an active hunt for a shirt.  Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?  In a way I think it’s so silly, but it’s also one of those things that reveals what motherhood is all about… doing what needs to be done so your children learn what they need to learn and are able to experience what they need to experience so they can become what we dream they’ll become.  Which is why the yellow shirt was paramount.  It’s also why I feel so relieved tonight.

There were some awesome moments this week, too.  That afternoon in the thrift store with extra children?  It felt so good because I was truly being of service to someone at the perfect moment.  I felt so grateful for the opportunity.  We had a lot of fun, too.  After we went shopping we stopped for ice cream cones, then grabbed pizza for dinner and came back to my house where the children ran and played on a beautiful spring evening.  The squeals of their laughter was music to me.  Soon their mom joined us and we laughed, talked, laughed some more, had Family Home Evening together and ate Girl Scout cookies for dessert.  It was one of those rare nights you remember as perfect, reflecting on with quiet happiness in coming days.  Throughout the week almost all of my children have come to me at different times to comment on how wonderful that evening was and can we please do it again.  We experienced joy  in the moment and have savored joy in the memory ever since.

On Tuesday night I was completely in over my head with multiple commitments all because of one rescheduled soccer game.  I did something that is honestly rather foreign to me and asked for help.  It was probably very good for me, but I’m also here to tell you that it’s very humbling to ask someone to go pick your children up from their piano lessons.  Yeah.

I saw my sister twice this week, once with her husband.  We laughed as my two year old stepped up to the plate as impromptu comedian for the evening.  On the second occasion we sat and talked about… quilting fabric, and had a fabulous time doing it because we both love it so much.

A few of my children had good moments this week and it surprised me how happy I felt all day long.  On one occasion I felt like shouting from the rooftops over a very simple victory.  I guess I’ve been pretty stressed about some heavy stuff.

My personal goals were largely deferred this week for two reasons:  the yellow shirt hunt and opportunities to serve.  It’s ok.  My greatest goal of all is to be a better wife and mother, to be doing the most important things, and I think this week qualifies.

The house looks a little better, I’m closer to being caught up on laundry.  I spent one-on-one time with several of my children this week.  One of my daughters chose to bridge the gap in a misunderstanding among friends, being the one who was kind in all directions.  I was proud of her for her actions and hope she learns great things from it.  This morning I sat with my two youngest girls and listened to birds sing outside our kitchen window.  I rocked my youngest to sleep this afternoon.  I’m caught up on the joy books I started on January 1st, with an entry each day for all eight children.

Life is wonderful.

It’s also starting early tomorrow morning.  I’ll be honest, the Monday morning after the spring Daylight Savings time change is NOT usually the easiest.

Have a great week!
Jennifer

Nine weeks gone!  Can you believe that the year just started and yet it is already March?

I’ve avoided writing this post all day, especially since I need to give an honest summary of my successes in February.  It goes like this:  January was a great month; February owned me.  I’m not proud of it but it’s how things worked out.  My list of goals for February was shorter than January’s and I got less done.  The only thing I have to offer in my defense is that my husband’s new job, answered prayer that it is, completely changed daily life at our house and most of my time and energy has gone to working through that adjustment.

Isn’t it interesting how we can have things we’re so grateful for, things we need and pray for, that simultaneously make our lives SO much harder?  Like the answer satisfies one question but asks another, equally large and significant question of us?  That’s my February in a nutshell.

For the past few years my husband has been able to work from home about 75% of the time.  It didn’t occur to me that having him working at an office would represent a major life change for my children, but it has, especially for the younger ones who have had access to him as long as they can remember.  Even if it’s just to wander in, say something silly, get a hug, and walk back out, he’s been nearby.  Suddenly he’s gone 12 hours/day and his absence has created behavior challenges and emotional swings in every one of my children. I was so grateful to be finished with the uncertainties of unemployment that I failed to see “daily life without Dad” as our next big hurdle.   Our after school commitments doubled in February, adding to the messes and the stress and the general grouchy state of most of them.

I’ve been in the trenches with some of my children, trying to help them with challenges they’re facing in their personal lives.  Pretty much the entire month felt like living in the trenches, but I know there were moments of sunshine and I need to do a better job of noticing them, polishing them and tucking them away for safekeeping.  I believe that we made some progress in these essential areas and feel grateful for it.  It’s not enough but progress is progress.

February was the month of weekly victories.  If the daily schedule felt all wonky due to sad little people and the monthly goals were hardly touched, I did manage to rally weekly and get important things done.

Yesterday I attended a baptism with my daughter.  While we were there I saw a woman I haven’t talked to for a few years and we chatted a bit.   When she asked how our family was doing I tried to sum up the general craziness and goodness of it in just one sentence.  Her response is something I’ve been thinking about ever since.  She said, “My mom called them the bottleneck years.”

I’m not sure why or how, but that sentence was like a gift to me.  Like someone had found the perfect name and description for my current stage in life and wrapped it up simple imagery to share with me.  I keep feeling like I have a little treasure in my pocket, one I get to take out and wonder at every so often.  Why does it feel like such a treasure?  I guess because its simple name adds a feeling of legitimacy, a sense of being on the map, which gives me the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I’m more normal than I think.  Suddenly I don’t feel quite so alone.  The intensity of it all makes sense too.  My bottleneck is a little more like rush hour all the time due to numbers, but the bottleneck in general is normal.

So in these “bottleneck years” I’ve just had a wild bottleneck month.  I’m expecting much better things in March.   I made a noble effort on the house this weekend and hope to keep things under control this month.  I hope that daily life will be less emotional for all the little people I live with.  And I’m planning my garden.  Seriously, if you’re planning that, how bad can life get?  I am so very blessed.

I am also so very tired.  It’s off to bed I go and a fresh start in the morning!

Jennifer

Tonight’s picture of my daughter peering through the “O” in Joy is a good representation of the week.  It’s in the middle of the word, and I feel like I’m in the middle of a lot of things right now.  Let’s be honest, the middle is usually the messiest, least pretty stage in most endeavors, and my middle feels a little ugly right now.  So I’m somewhere in between the J and the Y in this mission of mine to seek and find greater joy in my daily life.  There have been joyful moments and terribly discouraging moments, but a conversation with my parents tonight combined with a few other thoughts and conversations throughout the week made me decide that for now I’m going to focus on the happy parts of being in the middle.  Happy things like that sweet little girl’s face above.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m reading a book about creativity.  It’s slow going because it sits in my purse and I only read it when I’m waiting in the car for some reason and there isn’t some other crisis to take care of.  This week I read a chapter that I particularly liked.  The chapter is about how to get good ideas, how to unearth them and grab them.  I realize that right now, in my efforts to live more joyfully, I’m doing some scratching for ideas.  I’m looking for little things I can change, small adjustments I can make, to feel better about what I’m doing even when it’s crazy.  Because let me tell you, my life sure feels crazy, and if I were to really get going and describe some of it for you, you’d agree with me that it sure sounds crazy.  There is just SO much going on in our home and SO much of it depends on me.  That isn’t going to change anytime soon, so I’m scratching for ideas to make this stage more fun and rewarding for myself, in healthy ways.  And when you’re in the middle you usually have some things that are working and some things that aren’t working yet and some things you have yet to implement and some things that need tweaking.  And that pretty much sums up my life.

So I let myself spend a few minutes most days at the sewing machine.  I enjoy feeling like I get something permanent done, something I can SEE.  The bottom line is that my life is going to be crazy for a long time.  This “middle” I’m talking about isn’t an overnight experience.  The middle of “joy” might be short but the middle in my life reads more like the middle of “supercalifragilisticexpealidocous.”  It’s going to take some time.  I need to enjoy the process.  Therefore, fifteen minutes of sewing is a good investment.

My house needs help.  You might think I’m exaggerating but I’m not.  It really needs some help and I’m hoping to provide that help this week.  I think I’m starting to get over my cold, and if that’s true then there’s reason to believe I might be able to do it.  If I can keep the schedule under control, that is.  There is this very fine line between serving your children and leaving their messes for them to clean up, between teaching responsibility and work and keeping things looking nice enough for mom to be satisfied.  These balances are fairly simple to maintain when we’re not as busy, but when we’re running crazy it’s much more difficult.  We’re really busy.

We had more Parent/Teacher conferences this week and they went well.  Thank goodness!  We had lots of friends over to play.   My seven year old went to her first piano lesson and really liked it (I knew she would, but it did take an ice cream cone to convince her to try).  I went to a great Church activity with my daughter.  We had lacrosse practices, soccer practices, futsal games, birthday parties, snowboarding, choir practices and so forth.  My two year old hasn’t slept well and I’ve had some tender moments in the night when I gathered her into my arms as she cried, “Mommy I want you!”  Every time she says that I remind myself how lucky I am to hear it.  My four year old said some incredibly cute things to me.  She’s really into pinkie promises right now for some reason.  She asks me to pinkie promise her things that are important to her, and it’s quite cute.  Last night she was watching a movie and a character in the story didn’t do something they had committed to do.  She said to me, “They should have pinkie promised.”  So cute.

It sounds silly to say that my children got their homework done, but really it’s huge.  With six children all having homework daily, and all their different reading levels and materials, it takes me at least a couple of hours to get it taken care of.  Sometimes it takes me much longer, like on Thursday night when I was up until 1:30 a.m. with my son, who had to be at school before 6:45 a.m. Friday morning.  But it got done, and sometimes that is victory enough for an entire week.

My planning needs work.  I missed my weekly planning this morning because I had to get my son up for a service opportunity and never managed to work it in later in the day.

I’m doing really well in my goal to talk to my friends more often.  I am so grateful for the blessing of holy scripture to read and study from.  I am incredibly grateful for prayer.  The thing I’ve learned about prayer is that rarely does an answered prayer give me LESS to do.  Most of the time my work load increases.  Lately I feel tired and worn out, but it’s a happy tired in some ways because I know that I’m doing the things I should be doing.  It’s a happy tired because I’m seeking God’s help with my priorities.  I’m not doing them perfectly but I’m getting better and that is all I can control.

So I’m off to try again tomorrow, to remember to pause in the middle of things and remind myself that this is it, that now is the time to find something to be happy about.

Life is good!
Jennifer