Category: JOY in 2012

Another breathless week and I’m having a hard time facing the reality of Monday morning.  My son asked me a few minutes ago how long he’s been in school and it surprised me to tell him that it hasn’t quite been a month.  What a long month it’s been!  On the one hand it’s flown, but I feel like we’ve been doing this for a long time already…

Victories for the week:  I had a deadline to take care of early in the week that worked out, I think.  I was able to spend an afternoon at my brother’s house helping my sister-in-law re-cover her kitchen chairs with new fabric.  It was fun for my little girls to play with their baby cousin and I loved talking to her.  So rarely do people actually ask you to help with a project you offered to assist with, I had to jump on this one!  I did better with planning/executing meals this week, especially on the crazy nights.   I had a meeting to go to Thursday night which turned out to be an opportunity to talk to some old friends.  It also provided an opportunity to say hello to individuals whose actions hurt me very deeply a long time ago, and while I haven’t avoided these individuals, I certainly haven’t sought them out.  I’ve prayed a lot for those feelings of worry and hurt to give way to forgiveness so when the opportunity presented itself, I said a little prayer and extended something of an olive branch.  Gratefully it was well received and I walked away from the night feeling like I had chosen to grow a little, to become a better person in those minutes.  It felt good.

In other positive areas, I had a better grasp on keeping things moving the way I wanted them to when we were at home.  The children spent more time practicing the piano, doing little jobs around the house, and generally helping out.  I hope it will continue.  I exercised more.  I conquered the laundry room.  I think my planning/execution worked more smoothly although I want to get much better at putting first things first.  Even so, by Friday morning I was wound up again!

(Just like last week.)
My elementary students have a half day of school on Fridays so they’re kind of worthless as far as errands, projects, and even much housework.  Once again I used part of Friday morning to relax a little and calm myself down.  At first it annoyed me, but as I thought about it I realized that it’s probably the best time for me to tank up emotionally.  Our weekends are very intense right now and anything but restful, so I decided that if I need to pencil in some down time to pull myself together then Friday morning is probably a great time.  It’s nice to head into the weekend feeling cheerful and not run down.  Saturday morning I went to a local Modern Quilt Group and walked away feeling so happy it surprised me.

On the down side, I feel like I’m struggling with my goals to maintain healthy friendships.  That goal suffered considerably over the summer as well.  I suppose it just came with the territory given what I had on my plate at the time.  I find myself watching as the season gradually changes before my eyes and feeling a bit melancholy.  Summer is when people are outside, when neighbors connect and strengthen friendships, but I feel like I’ve hardly seen some of my closest friends.  I need to reach out more.  I’m making progress on the house but at a pace I’d like to improve.  I haven’t touched the yard and it’s sadly in need of attention.  The list of random things to take care of is so long that I have to be careful how often I let myself review it.

But I’m raising a family.  In all these details that can be so overwhelming I remind myself that being here is what matters most.  So I baked a lot of their favorite zucchini bread this week and had it waiting when they came home from school.  I was flexible enough that we were able to squeeze in a lot of time for friends.  I took three of my girls on a special outing while my husband took the other five to a separate destination and we all had a great time.  I showed my girls the house my dad grew up in and my daughter said, “Someday I’ll be a mom and I’ll show my kids the house you grew up in too!”  That night my four year old looked at me and said, “This is like a mother/daughter date, isn’t it?  Mom, this is the best day in the whole world.  I love you!”  and I thought to myself that I can handle all the weeds, all the stresses, all the dirty laundry if I just don’t miss these moments.  We had late nights talking with the teenagers.  I tried to look into their eyes and listen more.  I watched my son advance two ranks in Boy Scouts.  I watched my daughter disappear into a book, unaware of everything we said to her for hours while she was carried away.  I watched another daughter prepare most of dinner tonight.  Yesterday we wandered through our gardens, picking this and that and today we made two batches of fresh salsa.  The children spent the afternoon around the dining room table with paper, crayons, pastels, paint and pencils having art contests, giggling and laughing and enjoying life together.

It was a breathless week, but as I review all these precious moments in my mind I’m amazed that we fit so much in!  (Much easier to do because we don’t watch television.)  I’m grateful to the Lord for giving us so many opportunities to connect, to tickle, to hold, to help.  Oh, we’ve got a lot of work to do in essentials, but we are so richly blessed I can hardly believe it.  Having a large family is a lot of things, and one of them is enjoying the company of marvelous people all of the time.  It’s never, ever lonely here.  What a gift!

So the new week dawns and my heart is ready to sing with joy and gratitude to God for this journey that is mine, hard as it sometimes feels and as beautiful as I have eyes to see.  The darkness outside is now thick.  Indoors there are only two voices left for the others have gone to sleep.  My dishwasher slowly works for me as I type and all the creatures chirping outside don’t miss a beat.  Before I know it another week will be gone, but if I still have all these people I love so much, everything will be just fine.

Have a lovely Monday!

Jennifer

I have never in my life been so thankful for the Sabbath day as I have today.  For a variety of reasons, the weekend was incredibly intense.  Our schedule was intense, it was emotionally intense, physically intense.  I had to be on my game in every way with some complex things going on.  I think it worked out well enough, and we literally fell into this day of rest with grateful hearts.  All of us.

Another busy week.  Busier than we’ve had in a while now that we’re back to a six days/week soccer life, with lacrosse to keep things hopping as well.  But let me tell you, I’m thankful for these things.  I’m grateful my children have activities to participate in.  I’m grateful they’re willing to participate.  I’m so thankful my girls have a place to go where it doesn’t matter what you look like or who likes you or anything else.  All that matters at soccer is how hard you work and what you DO.  I think that’s a big deal for girls in our world, and this week I felt particularly grateful for it.  We had some doctor’s appointments, a daddy/daughter activity, several one on one outings with some of the children, the list goes on.

I feel like things are coming together a little during the day.  My youngest two are struggling to fall into a good school routine and we’re still working at that.  Either they’re happy or incredibly grouchy and needy.  I still need to potty train my youngest and start several things, but it’s coming.  I’m enjoying taking the girls for a walk in the mornings and I’m enjoying the projects I’ve been able to tackle.  The biggest ones are still untouched, and the yard is in desperate need, but I’m happy to be moving forward.  Our piano and violin practices need to improve, which can be tricky.  It’s hard to find 2.5 hours in the day for five children to practice!  When you find it, the second battle is keeping them at it.  Often the second battle is harder than the first.

I want to get better at prepping dinner in the morning.  That needs work and would probably help with our piano routine.

There were fun times as well.  Conversations with a few friends, storytime with bodies piled all around you, tickle torture for persistent toddlers, blue skies and puffy white clouds to look up and notice, crickets chirping outside our windows at night, sunrises that join you in waking all the children for school.  Oh, it’s a wonderful life!

There is a feeling I’ve had for the past couple of weeks, and it got stronger this week.   There are battles to fight and lines to draw and hold fast to when you’re raising a family.  You do it to protect and nurture your children.   There are things we have to do that are hard to do.  They complicate daily life.  They add a lot of emotional weight to the day.  We rarely speak of them because of their relevance to private battles our youth face.  But they need to be done and so we do them.  It’s as  simple as that.  Sometimes doing those things in addition to all the other daily things can really max us out, but  still we can’t let up because it’s simply not an option.  And as hard as those things can be, they add a precious dimension of satisfaction at the end of the day because you did what needed to be done.  Not always perfectly, mind you, but enough.  Good enough.  And good enough can be pretty awesome if we’re consistent.

So that’s my report.  I’m giving everything I can and know of to do in my effort to be a “good enough” parent.  I’m trying to be consistent.  I’m learning to lean a little more on the Lord for that extra strength and presence of mind.  I’m working harder to make life fun and to keep smiles on all our faces.  I’m determined to win the battles we have to fight.  It is exhausting and challenging but it is also amazing.  And it’s fun.  I’m so thankful it’s my life.

Joyfully, Jennifer

Happy.  Tired.  Busy.  Relaxing.  Frantic.  Full.  Perfect.  Breathless.

All those words describe life this week.  It was crazy but wonderful, slow and frantic, full of mistakes and yet perfect all at once.  We’re working on the school routine, and this was the week when “tired” hit a majority of the bodies that live here.  Getting everyone out of bed in the morning became more challenging, getting the homework done went from novel to boring, and so forth. I’m proud of my older children who are sincerely working at managing their time wisely, getting work done, and trying to stay organized/ahead.  The workload has certainly increased for some of them and I hope we rise to the occasion well.

I had planned to work like crazy all week long on the house, which I did, but found that the projects I tackled required at least twice as much time as I anticipated.  I’m in the mood to go through every little tiny detail of this house and everything in it, get rid of as much as possible and find a better way to live.  I want to take care of people, not things.  Regardless, this was not the week for micro.  The house needed a macro sweep to just get everything presentable before the weekend, so I did my best and I guess I got a little of both done.  But beware the basement… it’s unbelievable.  I have no nice words for what the children have done to it, so we’re not talking about it, only staying out of it.

My daughter had her graft done in her mouth this week.  I’m so proud of her and we  hope it takes, which means we also hope she doesn’t get hit in the face at soccer practices or games, and that she can’t bite anything with her front teeth.  She can only eat what she can spoon/fork into the back of her mouth.  That makes a breakfast sandwich rather complicated, so while everyone else is eating their simple meals we’re cutting her food into small pieces.  Bless her heart, she’s been such a trooper.  No complaining, no drama.  She’s a special girl, that one.

The highlight of our week happened yesterday.  Our third daughter (child #5) was baptized.  My parents flew in for it (with plenty of stress and drama to make it complicated, but they did it anyway, the saints that they are), my sister and brother-in-law came down from Logan, and my brother and his family came as well.  My husband’s brother’s family also joined us and it was a lovely morning.  There was so much I didn’t get done, so many little things that didn’t end up just right, and yet the morning was perfect.  Everything worked out, we all felt happy, and my heart was satisfied.  There were some small and yet huge victories in there that warmed my soul.  I felt happy watching everyone else be happy and of course my heart overflowed with love for my precious daughter on her special day.  Oh, I love that girl!

And as quickly as they came, they went, but not before we shared great food, wonderful conversations, lots of laughter and compliments and catching up on life.  My brother was also in town from Spokane the day before and I enjoyed spending time with he and my dad.  The whole week was wonderful, but breathless would be one of the adjectives in neon lights.  I’ve decided these are breathless years, these last few years before the dynamics of our family start changing again when the children start leaving.  And leave they will, in quick succession, so the time I have with all of them here has taken on a kind of breathless, precious quality.  I want to make it wonderful for all of us, which means simultaneously working harder and spending more time doing nothing but being with them.

I took a nap today, something I only do a handful of times a year.  I’ve learned to live tired, so it surprises me sometimes when I truly can’t keep my eyes open.  We played games tonight with the older ones while the younger children went from room to room, setting up whatever tickled their imaginations:  stores, restaurants, cowboy scenes and so forth.  It was loud but happy.  And very healthy.

So today we’re back to just the ten of us.   It makes me laugh to type that.  Just the ten of us.  That is a production by most standards, but it’s our normal.  What a lucky normal it is.  The last few months have had a lot of moments for me when I look around at all of them, do a quick head count to make sure no one is missing, and then a feeling of wonder washes over me as I think, “All these people belong to me!  Wow!”   They’re moments when, deep in  my soul, I feel aware of the blessing it is to have my life so connected to each of theirs,  aware that the abundance of those fibers is my life’s greatest treasure no matter how the rest of the world measures wealth.   And in those moments my mind and heart are just humming with gratitude and joy that I can’t quite wrap my arms around, it’s so big.

I’m grateful for the holiday tomorrow.  After two very full weekends I’m really not ready to dress everyone in their uniforms, make breakfast, pack lunches, and get everyone out the door by 7:15 a.m.   A quiet morning sounds perfect. Tomorrow will be used to fold some laundry, rescue the house again, check all the homework lists and try to get us prepped for school life once more.  And if I’m super lucky, I’ll spend a few minutes at my sewing table before they all wake up to catch up on a quilt along I’ve fallen behind on (already).

I’ve got big plans for September.  I’ve been going through all my lists from January as well as the things that have piled up since then.  I’m hoping to knock out a lot of tasks in the next few weeks.  If I work really hard I just might feel better about things come October.   The calendar is filling at an alarming rate, however, so it will be no small thing to stick to my priorities.  I’ll do my best and we’ll see how it goes!

I hope you have a great day tomorrow and a happy week.

Jennifer