What Runner Am I?

First of all, I’m not a runner at all.  I think I’d like to be, but right now I’m the lady on an elliptical machine trying to get full range of motion and strength back in her ankle.  It’s not impressive.  Furthermore, I have spent a ridiculous number of hours and dollars over the years watching and funding soccer for my children.  I know soccer, not running.  But this past year brought a new opportunity to me, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.  My daughter is running cross country and track, and I’m learning more about the sport.  I love watching my kids compete; watching Anna run makes me cry.  I leave every meet asking myself, What runner am I?


A Quaker proverb says, “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee and we’ll ascend together.”  Occasionally I witness moments in life where this is true, but not usually in athletics.  Until now.

One week my daughter ran a race without her coaches there.  Hungry to improve, she asked me to stand at certain points on the course to report her time and push her to run faster.  I did my best, and on every lap I noticed a girl from another school who stayed with her but never passed her.  Anna pushed herself to a 4th place finish in her race and a new PR.  I was so happy for her!


After the race she told me about the opponent who had run just behind her the entire race.  There were a couple of times on the course when she felt tired and started to slow down a little.  Instead of just passing Anna, this girl said to her, “Oh no you don’t!  You’re faster than that.  You can do this!”  She wouldn’t let Anna fall behind but instead pushed her to keep her pace.  Anna laughed as she described feeling tired and out of breath, but trying to encourage the other runner in return.


As Anna shared this story with me, admiration rose in my heart for an anonymous girl who had not just run well, but encouraged the runners around her do the same.  She helped push both of them to a faster finish.  I stood on the track and listened to other runners describe similar experiences, times when opponents pushed each other to keep going.


It reminded me of another race I watched.  At the back of the group on the second lap there were two girls from the same school.  One wore a knee brace and was struggling, but her teammate held her hand to keep her going.  They ran the race together.


So I ask myself as I watch these races, what runner am I?  In the race of life do I run for myself alone, maneuvering around those who struggle to get ahead?  Do I focus on my own exhaustion and goals so much that I fail to notice the runner who falls back?  With the world in turmoil right now, we’re all running the same race, perhaps more than usual.  Who will we encourage?  What can we do to make sure we all finish?  How will we strengthen those whose hearts and courage may be failing them?


Whether in a race, in quilting, in hard times or on hard days, I want to be the runner who encourages others to keep going.  I want to be the runner who says, “You can do this!  Let’s push and finish together.”  So if you’re not sure what to think or do right now, remember that you’ve always made it through up till now.  We’re durable, and society is too.  Together, we’ve got this, because God’s got this, and he’s got us.  He’s counting on us to help each other.

I Took a Risk and Here’s What I Learned

Making something is both an exhilarating creative endeavor and an exercise in failure.  I’ve experienced both, and I’m sure you have, too.  Creativity is also an incredibly healthy outlet.  It’s healing and in my head I understand it is the process, the experience that matters most.  But in real life?  In real life I sometimes catch myself acting like it’s about perfection.  Last month I pulled out a quilt top that I never quilted because my skills didn’t seem equal to the beauty of the design.  I basted it.  And then I took a risk and here’s what I learned:


I learned that my best effort is just fine.

I did my own free motion quilting on this 88″ square quilt.  It’s big and heavy and the blocks are very large.  I made a lot of mistakes, especially on the straight lines.  Although I did my best to follow the lines in the stripes, it’s wobbly.  But I figured out a thread path for all the orange peel quilting in the hourglass borders and the block centers.  I did it!  And in doing it, I got better.  While I slowly improved and stitched my way around the quilt, I also finished a beautiful quilt.


As I quilted this, I found myself thinking about all the times I told myself I’d ruin it if I tried to quilt it myself.  I realize now that the only thing holding me back was my self-talk.  Of course I made mistakes!  But it still looks great!  And its usefulness is unchanged by its flaws.

It made me wonder about other areas in life where I’m telling myself I’m not good enough.  Honestly, quilting is very low-stakes.  There’s a lot more at risk in other areas of life.  Why hold back with fabric?  Where else am I choosing to play small because I think I’m not enough?  Why bow to fear?  What if I found a way to dismiss those words “I shouldn’t because I’m not good enough” every time they enter my thoughts?

One thing is for sure, I’m going after this false idea in my creative work.  And I’m going to take it to everyday life with more determination.  The things we tell ourselves matter.  If you’re holding back somewhere for fear you’re not good enough, get started.  We all have to experience the gap between beginning and mastery.  But your best effort is just fine.  It’s the only way to improve.  I took a risk and I learned.  You will, too.  And remember: beauty has absolutely NOTHING to do with perfection.

-Jennifer

Good Morning, 2020!

It’s January 1st.  A new day, new year, new decade.  We awoke this morning to a world blanketed in white with puffy snowflakes peacefully falling to the ground and the luxury of staying at home.  I love the way the world looks with fresh snow – glistening perfection, undisturbed and covering the dull brown of winter.  I looked out my window and thought, “Good Morning, 2020!”


New snow is like a fresh notebook without a mark in it, or a stack of fabric waiting for the perfect project.  It’s full of promise and potential.  The perfectionist in me is sometimes intimidated by the blank canvas these new starts offer; I’m afraid to make the first mistake.  The funny thing is, I make mistakes no matter what, so why hesitate to dive in?

Really, there’s nothing special about January first.  Any day – every day – is the day to make a change.  Still, it’s fun to change the calendar and start a new year and I want to dive in the way my children race out into the snow, excited to leave tracks all over and see what kind of adventure they can create.  I like the sound of “twenty-twenty”.  It reminds me of perfect vision, and the phrase “hindsight is 20/20.”  The idea of taking everything I’ve learned from 2019, even from the last decade, and putting it to work in 2020 has me excited.  So I really mean it:  Good Morning, 2020!

Last year I tried, with limited success, to sew for 15 minutes a day.  I noticed I felt happier and more productive in general when I was doing it. In the last few weeks I’ve only looked longingly at my sewing machine as the holiday season commanded my attention.  I have goals for 2020 in several areas, but my creative goal is one I’m really excited about.


I’m calling it “20 in 20” and it’s a goal to spend twenty minutes sewing every day (Monday – Friday, at least) in 2020.  I’ve got a master plan for it, and my official start date is Monday January 6th. That’s the day everyone goes back to school at my house.  We’re going to enjoy vacation mode for a few more days as a family.

I’ll be back here on Monday to share the details of my “20 in 20” challenge.  I have a great feeling about the new year.  Good morning, 2020!

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