Musings on Life and Beauty Archives - Page 58 of 146

The End.

August 18, 2011 jennifer Musings on Life and Beauty

There is a gentle breeze blowing. Just when I thought the sunflowers were as tall as they could get I wake up and they’re taller. The children are happily playing on my front porch and driveway with their Playmobil toys. I love those toys. They’re so great for inspiring imagination and allowing children to practice negotiating relationships in their play.

Today was busy. Too busy. We’ve had something going on since 9 a.m. without a break.

I took six children to two different schools to meet their teachers and, in the case of the oldest two, to walk their schedules and open lockers for the first time this year. It’s always nice to go but it stamps out all my wishing that summer could last a little longer. When you’re at back to school night, it’s really over. Denial no longer works.

I haven’t shopped for school supplies yet. I have no excuse except that I couldn’t bear to do it. I’ve walked past that section in multiple stores and just couldn’t bring myself to stop and start the project. Why? I’m not sure. Partly because it always makes me sick to see the grand total for all these lists of required supplies, partly because there’s always some “essential” thing that we can’t find, mostly because I want summer to last another two months. Now my back’s against the wall and I’ve got to get it done.

I think they will all be ok. My 9th grader didn’t even want to walk around with me. He just wanted to meet up with friends and didn’t seem the least bit worried about where his classes are. My 7th grader came home stressed. She won’t admit it but I can see it in her face. I’m sure she will be fine. The three elementary aged students in our house will all do well, I think. For them it’s just a new kind of normal and they’ll adjust quickly. I feel good about their teachers. My five year old kindergartener is a wild card but at least I have a great relationship with his teacher. We’ll wait and see.

My husband offered to do the driving to tonight’s soccer tournament game. So here I am, home on a beautiful night with that gentle breeze blowing, watching my children age two to twelve all play together as if summer will never end and trying to still the anxious ache in my heart because it won’t.

Do you love the look on this face? I do. It’s the look of a little girl that worried and waited and then one day had the courage to ride a bike without training wheels. She was so sure it was too hard for her. Now it’s something she loves. It’s a look of learning and pride and delight. I need to remember this face, because it comes during the school year too as new skills are mastered, knowledge is retained and performance improves.

I’m grateful for the brief stillness of this evening. Time to sit and process all that’s going on inside my heart. Here we go. Ready or not, it comes.

Jennifer

A bunch of random thoughts

August 16, 2011 jennifer Musings on Life and Beauty

My mind is all over the place lately, darting from place to place like a pinball mid-game.

Want a sampling?

1. I haven’t spent much time in the yard for a few weeks. Yesterday I noticed my dahlias are blooming. Isn’t this gorgeous?

What’s not to like about a flower more than 7 inches across?

2. My two year old just knocked over the ironing board. To see if she could. I’m glad it didn’t hurt her and am shaking my head over her constant activity.

3. Speaking of her, does anyone know how to get expo dry erase marker out of something you love? Five days later, I’m still not ok with this:

I wasn’t home when it happened. I don’t even want to know how she got it off the wall. Don’t worry, she covered the custom frame in marker, too.

3. This blue and orange place setting is beautiful to me. I love the bright orange band in the place mats and the beautiful blue and white china… amazing. Image from House of Turquoise.

4. Speaking of beauty, I really want to join Pinterest, but I really don’t want to join Facebook. And so I’ve done nothing. Plus, I’m afraid I’ll spend too much time looking at beautiful pictures instead of working on making our home a beautiful place.

5. I gave my kitchen table some TLC. It feels good to take care of things.

6. Today I took care of all the school fees for my oldest two students. Add to that the usual back to school shopping (which I’m really trying to minimize) and we’ve got a good-sized dent in our budget this month. Ugh.

7. This morning my ten year old son told me I use my children as slaves and don’t do any work myself. (He was asked to load the diswasher.) Lovely. If only he knew it was more work to get him to work than it would have been to do it myself.

8. Last week a friend brought this cookie creation over for my two August birthday girls.

My favorite part? The little rosebuds made from gum drops and fruit roll-ups. Aren’t they cute?

9. I’m trying to eat really well, which means I’m eating a lot of salad. Lately it’s been boring and I’ve avoided making them. I’ve learned, however, if I just make one anyway, as soon as I start eating I’m reminded how delicious they are and am perfectly happy with my meal. Lesson: just make the salad!

10. I didn’t expect to see any more blooms from my delphinium this summer, but a few dazzling flowers have appeared:

The bright blue with tinges of purple is so pretty to me.

11. Today I made quesadillas for my children for lunch. I turned around and more than half of them were laying on the kitchen floor with their heads and shoulders under a chair. Their plates were under the chairs with them and they were all eating… without hands. I inquired about the new trend and was informed they were all being dogs, eating their food in their respective dog houses. Hmmm, interesting. At least they have imagination.

And there you have ten minutes’ worth of my random thoughts today.
What are you thinking about?

Hopeful Homemaker

3 comments 8 kids, gardening, life

The Night Before a Birthday

August 11, 2011 jennifer Musings on Life and Beauty

I do this every time.

It never fails that I’m up late the night before one of my children turn a year older. The bustle of living crowds out my “this time I’ll start early” preparation plans and rather than ditch them, I stay up late. Even so, I end up whittling down my list and compromising in many directions. I like pushing myself a little, trying things I wouldn’t otherwise try, doing something special for my birthday boy or girl to let them know they’re important to me. After all, they’ll only be this age once. Next year they’ll be older and there will be a million new ideas.

And then I go to bed. Tired as I am, it always happens. I lay in bed and think about the night before they were born. I was induced with seven of my eight children (I am one of the few women living who has had 8 children and who could still probably be pregnant for a year if someone didn’t help) so most of the time it was scheduled and I knew what was coming.

I was up late on those nights, too. Trying to do a little more laundry, a little more cleaning, another trip to the grocery store. Laying there thinking about all the sweet little people I was leaving at home in order to bring home another, wondering how they would do without me for a couple of days. Hoping they’d be good to whoever would be watching them. Thinking of my baby-on-the-verge-of-not-being-the-baby-anymore and feeling so many bittersweet feelings. Wondering how things would go the next morning, excitement about meeting this new little person I already loved. Noting that the aches and pains of pregnancy seemed just a bit better when I knew I only had a few more hours to endure. So many feelings come flooding back. Every time.

Tonight is no different, except that perhaps there’s more bittersweet than usual. Tomorrow my little one will be two years old. I just finished a last minute baking project which, I will freely admit, will mean more to me than to her. There’s a new dimension to her birthday, one I’ve not dealt with before. It’s that feeling of “I’ll probably never get to do this again.” I know I’ll celebrate dozens of birthdays, but probably not for a two year old. The realization has a two-fold effect on me. First, a sadness I have no words for, a sadness that comes without warning and leaves me feeling quiet and reflective. Second, a desire to celebrate in a way that leaves me without regret. I want to look back and feel like I marked the occasion in a way that satisfied not only my child’s need, but mine as well. Suddenly I feel these emotional tugs of my own heart at crossroads. My life is no longer full of “next times” because I’m staring at “last.” These are new feelings for me, feelings I’m not entirely comfortable with but they’re real just the same.

I’ve never had a two year old “baby” before. There’s always been a younger one too.

It is with a full heart that I find myself remembering the night before I met this little bundle of joy:

In the midst of all the bittersweet, I remind myself how incredibly blessed I am to have experienced such joy eight times . As my heart turns to my Heavenly Father for comfort I must also praise Him for His goodness to me, for the privilege of feeling what I feel and knowing what I know.

I think of my not-so-little baby asleep in her bed. I love her so much. I’m so happy she’s growing. Tomorrow will be a great day. My baby’s turning two.

Jennifer