Category: Helpfulness of Habit

It’s been a great week.  I took an unplanned break from blogging while my children were out of school for a couple of days.  I didn’t intend for it to happen; I ended up with a raging headache for several days and am fighting a cold.   It was enough to keep up with the children and work {a little} on my task list for the week.   Now it’s Sunday night and I don’t want Monday to come.  I want to just keep them all home with me.

I had ambitious goals for the weekend, none of which were fully accomplished.  I made the most headway in the yard, but still have far to go.  Yesterday I began planting some bulbs but only planted around 40 of them.  That may sound like a lot, but I still have a few hundred to go.  The weather is going to change drastically this week, so I’m hoping that my headache will abate and that I’ll get most of them in the ground tomorrow.  I also have an enormous pile of laundry that needs attention so we’ll see how it all shakes out.

My problem is that I love this time of year so much.  I want to do everything that involves Fall.  I want to rake leaves, I want to plant bulbs, I want to sew a fall-ish quilt.  I want to take a walk, read a book, slow down and speed up.  I want to feed my family everything I can of the harvest that is quickly disappearing, and I want to bake.   Oh, how I love fall baking!  I want to bake multiples of everything so I can deliver it to people I love.  I want to decorate for the season, cover my porch with pumpkins, start new projects, order seed catalogs for spring planting.  And I need to fit it all in around the laundry, cleaning, homework, carpools and all the other million things that already fill my days.

Do you have this problem too?  Please tell me I’m not alone.  It’s a wonderful problem to have, but sometimes I feel a little frenzied on the inside.  I tell myself I should just cut some things out, but knowing the season is so short pushes me to try anyway.

Ok, so how did I do this week?

I pulled out my Halloween supplies and found a couple of unfinished projects from past years.  I finished two of them and am almost finished with a third.  I really think I’ve improved in this area this year.  I’m becoming a better finisher.

I feel good about my efforts with the children this week.  I helped several of them with various projects and was pleased with their efforts.  They worked hard and I’m so grateful.  I feel like we’re becoming more deliberate, more intentional with the things our children are doing.  We’re getting better at planning activities that will help them grow in significant ways.   FYI, my oldest daughter spoke in Church today.  It was her first opportunity to speak in front of the entire congregation and she was very stressed.  She did a wonderful job, and later agreed to go to an assisted living home in our neighborhood and speak there too.  It makes me happy to see my children have opportunities to serve, especially in ways that make them stretch.  If nothing else had happened this week, I’d feel good based on this area alone.

I did some creative things this week and loved it.  I’m excited about a little plan my sisters and a sister-in-law have hatched.  I’ll share more later.  Tonight my nine year old joined me in the kitchen to try a new pumpkin recipe.  I loved experimenting with her.

Once more, we had some opportunities to serve this week.  I am grateful for these chances to have our family participate in helping others, and I’m also grateful for the self-discipline I’m developing as these opportunities arise, requiring a change of plans and a surrender of my own wish list.  In those moments of decision, I’m reminding myself that “God loveth a cheerful giver.”

I was tired this week, as the combination of a migraine and a cold hit within days of each other.  I had moments when I felt worn out and frustrated with the arguing and noise of the children.  In every instance I tearfully prayed for strength and found it.  I know my Heavenly Father helped me and I’m so thankful He loves me that much.  I also know that I could help myself more if I’d be more diligent about eating well.  I didn’t keep that promise to myself this week, which was silly.

My little one has grown before my very eyes this week.  I can see it in her face and body language, hear it in her vocabulary.  She is quickly growing out of toddler and into little girl and my heart aches as I watch it happen.  I could do without her adventures.  This week she built stairs for herself out of various items so she could reach the top of a tall dresser and get a large tube of super glue like adhesive, which she promptly emptied into an antique planter in my living room… with a hole in the bottom, which means she poured it on the carpet.  Hours later she threw some glass, and tonight she somehow scaled the shelves in my daughter’s closet to go through several bottles of nail polish.  Gratefully we found out about all these adventures fairly quickly and things could be fixed, but still, she’s amazing.  Seriously.  Good thing we love her SO much.  She hasn’t slept well this week, waking up crying in the early morning hours.  I admit I like bringing her to our bedroom to snuggle in my arms for a while.  She’s growing up so fast… I’ll take any form of baby I can get right now.

I think that slowly, steadily, I’m handling this crazy life of ours with more poise and calm.  I’m beginning to think that perhaps I’m finally growing into this mother of eight role I have.  {You realize that typing that probably means I’ll have some very humbling experiences this week to prove me wrong.}

I look ahead to a new week, hopeful that I’ll feel better and get a lot done.  It’s our last week of soccer and I’m ready for the break.  I have a long list of goals I wanted to accomplish in October and I’m going to give it my best effort.

I hope your week is great!
Jennifer

For the past few weeks I’ve had a steady stream of thoughts before sitting down to write this weekly post but as soon as I type the number all those ideas fly right out of my head leaving a question in their place:  Have I learned anything yet?  Have I developed useful habits yet?  I’m running out of time!

In my dream life, I would allot a certain block of time each day or week for work on all the habit’s I’m seeking.  Week after week I’d report on progress in each area and see steady improvement as the months passed.  In my real life, I allot time to work on things but then reality sweeps in and often sweeps me away.  A day’s plan can only maintain a certain amount of its intended shape in the face of needy toddlers, tantrum throwing five-year-olds, a dozen homework assignments and several hours of driving.  I’m not seeking to excuse myself, but to discover a healthy middle ground between living purposefully and responding gracefully to the insane curve balls that invariably come my way as a mother to eight children.  My whole reason for the goals in the first place is to become a better wife and mother, a better person, and the only way to really do it is in the face of daily life.  It’s just that daily life is so grueling sometimes.

So tonight I’m wondering… how am I really doing?

Do I have a great housekeeping routine in place?  No.  I still go for the Maintain and Reclaim approach much of the time, but there’s a lot that’s not getting done.  As far as all housework and personal projects go, all progress stops at 2:30 p.m. when I pick everyone up from school.  From 2:30 on, it’s downhill.  Honestly, there are days when the daytime climb doesn’t even get us back to where we started 24 hours earlier.  I have a lot I’m still envisioning but it’s not in place yet.  Miles to go….  but are we better off than we were a year ago?  I think so.

Personal health.  This one weighs heavily on me.  Have I done as well as I thought I would?  Far from it.  But I’ve made progress.  I’ve dealt with surprise challenges and feel like I’m moving the right direction.  It’s just that I’m moving so slowly.  It’s been a year now since I quit nursing my baby, and I admit I thought it would be much easier to lose weight and recover than it’s been.  Kindergarten and early morning seminary have thrown exercise out the window for now, but eating well is always an option.  I had an on and off week (again!) and I will have a great week this week.  That’s a promise to myself.

Creativity.  I pictured myself doing a lot of dabbling, trying some of this and that.  As it turns out I spend much less time in my studio than I would like, but I’m also recognizing more opportunities to be creative in my role as a mother.  For instance, tonight I tried two new recipes.  I spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen but it was a creative experience and I enjoyed myself.

Service.  In this area we get flying colors this week!  I have been prayerful about service for the past couple of weeks and while I won’t list specifics here, I feel like I was guided to do specific things at specific times.  I also watched my husband and children performing acts of service that warmed my heart.

Finishing.  I’m getting better at it.  I’m also getting better at saying no to things.  I’m learning to AVOID starting things that are unnecessary.

Reading.  The past few weeks have  been so busy that I haven’t read much, but I have read four or five novels for young adults.  I try to pick them up here and there so I know what my kids are reading and can talk more with them about it.  I finished a book of my own several weeks ago and have picked up Middlemarch again.

A Soft Reply.  Last night I was so discouraged about kids and homework I wanted to cry.  I looked around and wondered how I could be working so hard and getting nowhere.  I do think that I’m being more careful, learning to laugh more easily, holding my peace more often, sincerely trying to listen and understand before seeking to be understood.  Will I ever be able to say I’ve mastered this one?  I hope so.  But while I can’t say it yet, I can say that I’m better than I was.

That discouragement last night lasted a little while.  We got the younger children in bed, got our oldest son off to his haunted house with friends, got our daughter going on her homework.  I blinked back some tears and got to work planning menus for next week.  Somehow my husband and I both relaxed and had a great night with our daughter, joined later by our son.  When the four of us were laughing like crazy around the kitchen table at midnight I thought back four hours and shook my head in wonder.  I’m glad we held on because we ended up having one of those nights when you go to bed knowing that what just happened was healthy.

The children have a couple of days without school at the end of the week and I have high hopes for them.  There is a mountain of yard work to do and I’ve got literally hundreds of bulbs to plant.  I always feel better when I get to spend time in the yard.  I need to get the yard squared away so I can turn my attention to holiday projects and other deadlines.

I am grateful I get to learn these lessons.  I’m grateful for how hard it is to manage the affairs of a family this large.  I know it will teach me important lessons and that, in the end, I’ll be a better person for it.  It is such a privilege to be a mother.  I am hopeful.  Hopeful that I’ll learn what needs learning and become the mother I long to be.

Have a great week!
Jennifer

What a week!  I know the purpose of this post is to report to myself my improvement in building better habits during 2011, but my heart is full of gratitude for some simple but wonderful things and I must recap.

On Monday night we went as a family to watch our oldest daughter’s soccer game, where she scored 2 goals!  She usually plays as a defender but occasionally her coach puts her in on offense.  The team was down 0-1 for the longest time and frustration was building when she scored the first goal for her team.  A couple of minutes later another girl scored again and they were off and running, winning the game 7-1.  She scored the 1st and 7th goals and we were so happy for her.  It was also the first time she did what’s called a flip-throw.  A flip-throw is a front handspring throw in.  She’s been practicing them for a while but hadn’t yet done one in a game.  It was a really fun night.  It turned out we had soccer games on four days this week.  My eight year old daughter also played a couple of games and in her case she was put in on defense instead of her usual offensive position against the best team in the division.  She was scrappy and refused to let the other team past her.  While she was in, they were unable to take a single shot on goal on her side of the field.  I was proud of her.  My oldest son scored the first goal for his team in his lacrosse game on Saturday.  It was his first goal of the season and turned out to be a great game.

I understand that sports and scoring goals are of little significance in the big scheme of things, but in the here and now they can be so important.  They build confidence, motivate us to work harder, teach us that the hard work we’ve already done was worth it, and keep life fun.  We all need some personal victories in our lives and I felt so incredibly grateful that several of my children had such victories this week.

At our Elementary school they do what’s called Student Led Conferences, which is like a parent/teacher conference except that the students lead their parents to their desks, get out their data folder and show their parents all their grades in every subject, discussing their performance.  They show parents samples of their work, read their class mission statement, read their personal mission statement, and ask their parents to help them set an academic goal and a personal goal, writing down three things they will do to reach the goal and a date by which they will accomplish it.  They then ask their parents if they have any questions, thank them for coming, and then the parents get to talk for a few minutes with the teachers.  I got to do this with four of the children on Thursday afternoon and it was precious.

On Thursday night I took my two oldest daughters, ages 12 and 8, to a local theater to see Little Women.  It was a wonderful night.  The cast did such a great job and as I sat there it was like I was transported back in time to my childhood bedroom, reading the book again for the first time (and crying like I did the first time, too).  My daughters loved every minute.  I loved listening to my twelve year old laugh as she absorbed the humor in different conversations and relationships, and loved watching my eight year old piece together the storyline as this was her first introduction to Little Women.  It was a very special evening and I feel so thankful that we squeezed it into the schedule in spite of a crazy week and a particularly wild day.  I also bought tickets for our whole family for a performance in December, and it feels good to have something like that scheduled.  I want to get us all to more plays and musicals.

I had a couple of boxes of peaches in the fridge that needed attention, and I’m happy to say that they’re all taken care of.  It makes me sad when the peach season draws to a close, but grateful that we savored them.  Now I have a box of local pears awaiting my attention.  Mmmm…

It rained all week long and snowed a bit, too.  The week felt loud and chaotic but we had our moments of calm, which I’m learning to notice and savor.  We started new books and got a lot of cleaning up done around the house.  The rain allowed me to focus my attention indoors more than usual and things are looking better around here!  I’m steadily getting closer to being completely caught up on laundry.  I pulled a Halloween picture book off the shelf for the first time this year and was reminded again how magical these seasonal books are for children who aren’t yet old enough to remember them from last year.  I spent an evening curled up on the couch, reading a book next to my husband.   Last night before bedtime we all piled on Mom and Dad’s bed to start a new read-aloud book.  I loved having them all there, snuggled together and giggling about the story.  I’m grateful it’s supposed to warm up, but rainy days have their good side too.

Yesterday our second daughter turned 9 years old.  She had a great birthday and I thoroughly enjoyed spending the day with her.  She is a gem.  As we gathered around the table for candles and cake, I said to the children, “Do you realize how lucky we all are that we live in a family that gets to have ten birthday parties every year?!?”  It hit me how special this is, that we have so many things and people to celebrate because we have a large family.  Wow!  One of those great little perks I’d never thought about.

I feel so thankful for the simple, subtle ways in which my days were rich and full.  So many hugs and kisses to enjoy, so many moments when I connected with one child or another.  I did a better job of listening to my oldest son, and we had some fun times together.  I finished a couple of things this week, although I didn’t touch any of the projects on my goal list for October.  Still, I feel like I’m consistently improving in my efforts to be a better mother.  Granted, the improvements are tiny in comparison with my responsibilities, but progress is progress.  I’m learning to more earnestly sacrifice personal interests for the sake of my children and their development.  I’m doing a better job of “losing myself” in this God-given work of raising his children, and it feels good.

I was kind of on again, off again in my healthy eating this week and am ready to jump back in with gusto this week.  I noticed a direct link between how I felt and how I ate.

I have made studying the scriptures and praying my #1 priority each morning.  I’m striving to do it with precision.  The slow but cumulative effect of doing this has begun to come back around and wrap me in a most wonderful feeling.  I am learning.  I am understanding things I’ve completely missed before.  I’m growing.  I’m staying more calm with my children.  It’s awesome.

Now the house is quiet and I look around at the Sunday messes here and there.  There’s nothing glamorous going on in this house, just regular old living.  Things are out of place everywhere and I’m pretty sure there’s a homework assignment that didn’t get done yesterday which we’ll have to deal with early in the morning.   I am grateful for life, grateful for health, grateful for the opportunity simply to be here, experiencing what I’m experiencing, having so many opportunities to learn, grow, apologize and love.

It’s going to be a great week.

Jennifer P.S.  I’m nowhere near running out of recipes to share, but I’m going to mix other things in a little more this week.  Watch for an amazing new zucchini bread recipe that I’m guessing is unlike any you’ve tried before.  My daughter calls it the best bread I’ve ever made (and I’ve made a lot of bread!).  We’ll start tomorrow with photos from the little baby blessing we had here a couple of weeks ago…