I wish I knew how to describe my feelings tonight. My mind is spinning, my heart full of hope and longing. Do you ever feel like you’ve had a conceptual glimpse of where your life COULD be, and you know deep inside that it NEEDS to get there, for the sake of your children and your own potential?
I know that we need that higher plane, and I also KNOW, absolutely KNOW that the potential is within me to reach it. But it is soooo hard to translate these mountaintop moments into the everyday mud. So hard to be content with just the few steps immediately in front of me when I long to race to the top.
I have been taught many things today, been fed at least a dozen different things that I must somehow grasp and learn how they fit together in practice for myself and my family. I love experiences like this. I struggle because too often they end with me groping in the dark for what was on the very edge of my understanding before the demands of 8 children jumped back in my lap and the tutoring moment ended. Today I made a list, and I’m hoping that somehow tonight’s illumination will end differently, for at least I have a plan.
I feel alive with the desire to learn!
My report: 65 steps. I’m grateful for them, for a few of them felt significant.
Highlights:
1. This is nothing to be proud of, but it’s humorous so I’m sharing it anyway. In the last two weeks we’ve had so many random little injuries that I’m wondering if the whole family needs to be locked in a padded room until it passes! Cut lips, choking, near broken nose, a fall down cement steps, countless knee scrapes… it’s been really strange but I’m also grateful it hasn’t been more serious.
2. We were able to get our son in to see a hand specialist. He’ll be having surgery on Tuesday to insert a pin, which should guarantee full mobility down the road. We hope all goes well.
3. I was able to clean out half of our garage. Good news! The funny thing is that it was done a month ago… we won’t dwell on what that says about our family maintenance skills.
4. On three separate occasions I had the opportunity to talk with women that I admire very much, two of which I haven’t seen in too long. It’s wonderful to connect with amazing people here and there, and I always feel uplifted.
5. A couple of weeks ago I read the following quote. “Patience teaches us that this precise moment is tolerable. As we respond to what this moment requires of us, the future will take care of itself.” (Wendy Ulrich, “Weakness is not Sin”) At least three times this week I felt completely overwhelmed by homework, crying toddlers, hungry children and the lateness of the hour. I remembered this quote and literally walked around repeating to myself “this moment is tolerable, this moment is tolerable.” It got me through! Each time I was able to get through the stressful moments without acting in a negative way.
6. Several times this week I paused with my children to enjoy the weather. The spring I’ve been hoping for seems to have arrived. I’m so thankful each time I sight a bit more green.
7. My daughter and I attended a fun mother/daughter activity together. I enjoy spending time with her.
Well, it’s late and I’ve got an intense morning ahead of me. Oh, how I hope to climb high this week! I hope you have great success in your endeavors.
Wishing you well, Jennifer
