Category: Helpfulness of Habit

The house is supposed to be quiet right now.  Tomorrow is the first day of school for four of my children.  I know they’re tired; if they’d just hold still long enough they’d all fall asleep within two minutes.   Instead I hear muffled voices and the padding of feet in the hallway.  Funny how you don’t fall asleep when you’re sneaking around.   My heart is full but I must be brief.  Moms need a good night’s rest before the first day of school too.

I hardly know what to say.  There are so many little things about the week.  Another soccer tournament, a sweet dance class two of my daughters participated in, an impromptu party for a bunch of teenagers.  There was shopping for school supplies {see, I did it}, cleaning, moving some furniture around, work in the storage room.  A wedding last night provided an opportunity for service, new friendships, and a brief conversation with a wise old gentleman that brought tears to my eyes.  For some reason I saw many people this week who are hurting:  some whose pain is so visible and others whose pain lies behind a perfectly normal exterior.  I am reminded how life wounds all of us at different times and in different ways, but it is all calculated to stretch us, humble us, help us grow.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the miracle of Jesus Christ’s Atonement and the resurrection that will heal and fix so many things.  What a marvelous day it will be, and how many of us there are who ache and watch for that day with great longing.

Here I stand on the edge of another school year and I wonder, have I grown at all this year?  Am I learning anything?  Is there a habit anywhere in my life that is new because I’m trying?  I honestly don’t know.  I know I’m getting better at taking large groups of children to crowded places without feeling much stress.  {Does that count for anything?}  I’m getting better at helping my children work.  I’m becoming a better finisher.  I’m getting better at recognizing what we do and don’t need  and making decisions accordingly.  I don’t know that the house looks any better.   I’m still working at taking better care of my health.  But really, here I am near the end of August and I can’t really say that I’ve changed.  Not yet.  The old me might feel discouraged, but there is a hopeful feeling in my heart that says, “It’s ok.  Keep trying.  Work at it a while longer and then look back for evidence.”  There’s got to be a turning point nearby, a point at which things start to come together and stay that way more consistently.  I will find it.

So I’m going to check on the little kiddos upstairs and then I’m going to sleep.  Much as I want summer back, great things are ahead for me, for each of my children, for our whole family.  We’re still learning.  It will be a great year.

Jennifer

I just read an email with a funny comment in it:  It’s half-past August.  So it is.  I’m pretty sure the rest of the month will feel about thirty  minutes long, too.

I find myself looking around with mixed feelings.  I’m looking at my Helpful Habits list from January, seeing progress in some areas, feeling disgusted in others, and wondering what I was thinking in yet others.  I’m looking at my summer list with heart torn between all we did and all we didn’t get to.  I’m looking at the back to school rush already underway wishing I could stop it while knowing I’ve already been swept away by the tidal wave of activity and expectation which August always brings.   The result?  A mixture of satisfaction, longing, disappointment and determination. And stress.  Lots of stress.

We had a good week, although a busy one.  We went to the elementary school to look at class lists.  Three days were spent at a soccer tournament which ate up most of my housekeeping time.  It was enjoyable and I love watching my children play, but it did feel like a sacrifice.  I wanted to do so much more.

We celebrated a birthday this week.  It was wonderful but brought it’s own bittersweet emotions to sort through.  I am grateful for my children.   I squeezed in some creative efforts as part of our celebration which always brings some satisfaction.

A soft reply.  I definitely struggled in this area.  I let the stress I’m feeling get to me and it influenced the way I responded to my family.  Yesterday I was downright grumpy.  This is #1 on my list of things to correct in the coming week.

Finishing.  This is an area that makes me a little discouraged.  I thought I’d finish more projects this summer than I have actually completed.  I don’t like that.

Health:  I’m still working on eating well and have lost some weight but hit a plateau that I haven’t been able to shake for a few weeks.  Time to re-focus my efforts and be more diligent.

Work.  I feel like we’ve improved this summer in the work department.  The children are doing more around the house, and generally their attitudes while working has improved as well.  We’ve got to keep at it but we have made progress.

The house.  It’s relatively clean but every time I feel like we’ve mastered something I turn around and discover another mess somewhere.  My two year old is a terror.  Twice in the last 24 hours she’s found markers or ink of some kind and done real damage with it.  Grrr.  Good thing she knows how to say “sorry” so sweetly.  I will admit to shedding tears over something she ruined.  Nothing valuable, just meaningful to me personally.

We did have a good week.  In spite of soccer games, practices and scrimmages, I managed to get my oldest son to three different skate parks in three different cities which he loved.  I took the children on a little adventure (more on that tomorrow) and we spent an afternoon visiting cousins.  We hung out with my brother and his fiance, spent time with neighbors, invited friends over for root beer floats, and I had my first four hour around town driving session since June.  We made homemade frozen yogurt, played outside with neighbors, planted two pear trees and read good books.  I am grateful for little moments in the midst of it all when I look around and see children happily interacting with one another.

Another week beckons us with things we still want to do, things we must do, and fewer blank spaces on the calendar.  It is what it is.  I can’t hold back the tide, so I need to take a deep breath and jump in.  I’m working on it.

Have a great week!

Jennifer

It’s August.  I’ve had this feeling of stress squeezing my heart for a week now.  At times I’ve fought it off but it’s there, the knowledge that time is running out and soon the freedom of summer will be a memory.  There will be weeks of adjustment and tired children and a million things going on (a million things to pay for, too).  It’s already started.  This week’s calendar was packed with activities and I’ve already managed to forget a couple of things (never a good sign).   I have to take a deep breath and close my eyes to combat the sick feeling it all gives me.

I love having my children home.
So here I am.  We had a great week and managed to season the growing busy-ness with some great summer activities.  We read good books.  We played in the rain.  The children had a massive water fight.  We sat outside and visited with people we love.  We celebrated my daughter’s birthday with a fun outdoor party, finishing off with a movie projected on the side of our house.  As we sat and watched I had to remind myself, “This is it.  This is low tide.  This is still summer.”  It was a wonderful evening.

We went up the canyon for an evening in the mountains with our ward (church group).  It was a beautiful evening and the children had a great time.  The adults visited and the children explored.  A gentle breeze blew as the sun went down.  Then we watched the moon sink below the near mountaintop as well before we packed up and headed home.

We attended a funeral.  I always find that time spent at a funeral is time well spent.    It’s such a small thing to do, to sacrifice our time to attend a service dedicated to the memory of friends and loved ones.  I have never walked away from a funeral without a greater appreciation for the individual who passed away and a desire to be a better person.  I find funerals motivating.  They also offer perspective, reminding me what really matters in the end.

We attended a baptism.  Once again, time well spent.  It is a joy to watch people bursting with pride and happiness as loved ones make sacred covenants with God.

My husband and I went out to dinner with some good friends.  We’re grateful for their friendship and always come home happy after spending time with them.  It’s wonderful when we squeeze things like that in.

I watched some of my children make good decisions this week, some of them in the face of poor choices on the part of others.  I am grateful when I see small pieces of evidence that they’re trying to become the kind of people we’re hoping they will be.  I feel thankful for those glimpses into their hearts and hopeful that we’re on the right track.

I spent one-on-one time with several of my children.  I’m working on that.  I’ve caught myself more than once realizing that my soft answer needs more work.  With some of the children I don’t struggle, but there are times when I notice I’m becoming more frustrated or critical than I intend to be.   I need to work harder at that.

I’m still eating well and that feels good.  I also made some great meals for my family this week and tried a couple of new recipes.  (The fact that I mention that might mean that I’ve been a slacker.) In spite of my efforts to clean out, organize and so forth I’m not feeling physically ready for the start of school.   I still have so much to do, and still have a list of things I wanted to do this summer.  I’m going to work at both lists and while trying not to overload us this week.  We’ll see how it goes.

I am grateful for my blessings.  Today is Sunday, the Sabbath day at our house.  It was one of those days when church was more of a workout than a spiritual feast.  My little ones were a real handful today, indeed, I’m not sure my 3 year old ever stopped crying until her eyes finally closed (mid-scream) tonight around 9 pm.  It’s been somewhat exhausting, but it ended well and my heart rejoices in the privilege of being a mother.  Several times I had so many little bodies leaning on me that I hardly knew what to do.   But they love me and I love them.  I love their smiles, their giggles, their hugs, their funny little quirks.   We’re a family and I am thankful.

Life is good.

Jennifer