Hopeful Homemaker

Alive

December 29, 2011 jennifer Musings on Life and Beauty

I don’t know that I’ve gone ten days without blogging since I started this blog, yet here I am. I even missed a Sunday night report.

I feel like December entered and swallowed me whole. It’s still chewing. I’m wondering which direction I’ll be facing and how my heart will have fared when at last it spits me out somewhere in January. The month has been an exercise in crossing things off my list… undone. An exercise in letting go of all expectations. Somewhere in the middle of it all my amaryllis bloomed. Yay! A bright spot. And now my paperwhites are teaching me with their delicate beauty.

What to write about? The plans I made for a new year? The stress that’s got my stomach tied in an iron knot? The week spent with two toddlers down with severe croup, struggling for breath day and night for more than 6 days (AFTER Decadron shots and breathing treatments)? The exhaustion of not sleeping? The happiness of seeing extended family you rarely see, and having them with you for Christmas? The stress of preparing for such a visit while nursing the sick children? The emotional pendulum daily swinging back and forth between joy and tears of discouragement and frustration while knowing the swing is irrational and at least 50% related to exhaustion? My gratitude for a few days of sunshine for Christmas (no snow here)? The heaviness of the gray skies which have once again descended? The sore throat that hit while washing dishes after Christmas dinner and how I escaped crying in front of all my relatives only by racing outside into the cold darkness? The wonder I felt when my two brothers walked into my house, took out the dry tree, vacuumed my family room, smashed down the trash cans, emptied the kitchen trash, played with my little ones and generally restored a sense of order and calm to my house and heart in about 20 minutes? (Thanks, guys.) Wondering how to judge the year after the month we’ve just lived? The embarrassment of being stretched so thin by all these things while knowing that others are suffering far more? Fear? Trying to kill that fear with increased faith? The joy of a few hours of creativity? The incredible humility of having God show you weakness after weakness? The uncertain future which just became even less certain?

All these things lay jumbled together in the forefront of my mind, overlapping one another, clouding my judgment and generally making it difficult to focus on any one thing. My mind is racing and my heart is racing with it.

We are SO blessed. But this month has felt SO hard.

JOY. I need to find joy. I need to fight the battles God has given us to fight right now with JOY and not stress, with FAITH and not fear. I need to learn how to live without the ball of stress in my stomach being so heavy that I cannot eat. Christ came to offer LIFE. Abundant life. JOY. Eternal joy. It’s time to rejoice.

So in spite of all my worries, I am going to seek joy in 2012. Not sure exactly how, yet, but I’m working on it. I’ll keep you posted. Until then, I hope your December has been much better and that you’re planning something amazing for the new year.

Jennifer

One comment goals, life

2011 Christmas Card

December 23, 2011 jennifer Christmas, Paper

Well, they’re done.

Done and in the mail. For as much stress as I felt over them, and for as long ago as I purchased the paper and planned them, I’m a little amazed by how simple they look. But I do like them.

Here is my 2011 Christmas card:

I cut each card by hand, which was a small project, but not an unpleasant one given how much I liked the paper. I was excited to find the greeting as well.

I’m grateful I got them done, because receiving Christmas cards is one of my favorite parts of the holiday season. Right now my kitchen counter card holder looks like this, front and back:

With too many of these people, once frequent communication has become rare, something I hope to improve next year. But even only with annual cards I feel grateful for the reminders they are of remarkable people with whom I’ve crossed paths, people who have influenced me for good. It’s a wonderful part of Christmas.

And as for you, from our family to ours, “Have yourself a Merry little Christmas!”

Thanks for reading along. Merry Christmas!

Jennifer

A Year of Habits, no. 50

December 19, 2011 jennifer Helpfulness of Habit

It’s Sunday night. The Christmas tree is leaning sideways again, undecorated from the three foot mark down. I’ve given up putting the ornaments back on the tree; there’s a collection box out for packing them up. The children are busy and noisy as ever but they keep us laughing as well. School is out for the holidays, the snowboards are lined up in the garage, curious children sneaking into the studio where boxes hold Christmas surprises which need to be wrapped but also need a full-time guard to protect them from my youngest. A quick walk around the house at all the clutter makes me wonder why I’ve been so worried about what will or won’t be under the tree.

My sister and her husband stopped by tonight for a while and we loved talking to them while the children ran in circles around us, yelling and wrestling and even putting together an impromptu 3 minute play which was actually quite hilarious. Kristen can attest that there’s not a single square inch of workspace in my studio that isn’t covered with something related to the holiday to-do’s that still haunt my list. How will I wrap them all up and get that room ready for out of town guests in the next few days? I have no idea. Yet like everything else I’m sure we’ll get there and it will all work out. Life’s like that, you know. It all works out. Still, I will admit to wishing it could work out like I picture it more often.

I keep thinking I’ll reach this point where most things are crossed off my list and it’s time to relax and enjoy, but instead I’m getting just enough done to get through whatever is ahead for today and that’s all. It’s helping me realize that I need to relax and enjoy the moments when they briefly settle on me in the midst of stress like a butterfly pausing in its flight. We had such a moment on Friday night when we took the whole family to see a new musical, The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey, based on the classic children’s Christmas book. I’m so glad I bought the tickets a few months ago! We were entertained and our hearts were touched. I hope that exposing our children to these messages helps reinforce what we’re trying to teach.

I’ll be honest. I can only think of one habit which I’ve really improved this week. It would be my response to stress. I am getting better at handling stress.

Most everything else is a mess of some sort. I got to be of service today which felt good. I managed to remember a birthday this week, which is a miracle. I spent some really special one-on-one time with my seven year old daughter this weekend who is such a gem of a girl. She makes me smile. Our oldest four children performed in their piano recital Wednesday night and did a fantastic job. I love seeing their improvement throughout the year and feel proud of them for working hard. And on Thursday night when my husband and I were at an Indian restaurant I tasted the most heavenly drink: a rose water lassi! A lassi is a yogurt drink and I jumped at the chance to taste rose water for the first time. I loved it. I’ve found a recipe and hope to try making them soon. YUM!

And with that I’ll close for the night. Oh,what a week I have ahead! Let’s hope I can be productive (translation: let’s hope the two year old will be happy playing the the other children and not only in my arms)!

Have a wonderful week!

Jennifer